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Chris James
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Chris James

Location: Mingehampton on the Why, UK
Registered: 29 Nov 09

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 09:46
Dear Spoof,

Laugh, I almost did a wee.

The plagiarized spoof above mentioned has no tags and 'mini copper' isn't capitalized. Naturally I drop kicked it into oblivion. With a bit of luck it won't be seen again until June, by which time I might have finished my masterpiece.

Saying that, I still think it's very good. Probably because of stuff BLATANTLY plagiariesd from me.. I'm just saying.

Yours ecstatically,

The Master
69 Bellend Terrace
Mingehampton.

PS. I hate Avocado

-=Rumours of my death are completely accurate=-
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 10:04
Dear Spoof,

Could Mr Chris James please follow protocol, by naming the dirty low down bastard that stole his work? We have a spare seat in the dungeon of doom, and the "Gracie" is being warmed as I write. If he would like to pass a note under the cubicle door; (Third from the left. Charing x station)
I will see that the proper punishment is delivered.


Yours Truly

Pol Potty
Street of a thousand skulls
Little Tiberia

You aint seen me.....right
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 10:14
Dear Spoof,

Mr Lynton has caused such a stir with his latest letter, I have not only got tea all over my nightie, but toast, jam and a half eaten boiled egg.

Would Mr Lynton, consider not being so funny, thus avoiding these early morning outbursts? If not, I shall be forced to congregate outside his Chateau Le Hovel and subject him to all night choruses of Gracie Fields does wham.


Mrs Eminol Mangotrot
The Fumbles
Little Dertomie
Staffs


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Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 10:51
Dear spoof

Please thank Chris James for writing a brilliant spoof on avocados and one that I can, at last, understand. It didn't runaway with itself when it saw me reading it and I didn't need to stop to catch my breath once. The rest of his stuff is just manic shite though and I regret having wasted some minutes of my life trying to read it. You owe me big time now Jamesy boy!

Watching paint dry
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 12:28
Dear Spoof

Whilst listening to my talking, singing radio device a few moments ago I heard popular songstress, frequently underdressed flippertyjibbet and recent dumpee Katy Perry warbling "Do you ever feel like a plastic bag blowing in the wind"

Well no I dont really to be brutally fair, now get out you irritating, bikini sporting, vacuous bint!. Christ no wonder that Russell Brand kicked you to the kerb love and look at what an aggravating c**t he is!

Beyonce "Gentleman's Outfitter To The Stars"
Tripoli
E13


THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Chris James
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Chris James

Location: Mingehampton on the Why, UK
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 14:55
Dear Spoof,

Sadly I didn't write The Devil's Acovado. One's fictional cousin did. I'd better stress I was joking... a bit... All will come out in the wash, if I wash it at 90 degrees after bleaching it a bit.

"Please thank Chris James for writing a brilliant spoof on avocados and one that I can, at last, understand. It didn't runaway with itself when it saw me reading it and I didn't need to stop to catch my breath once. The rest of his stuff is just manic shite though and I regret having wasted some minutes of my life trying to read it. You owe me big time now Jamesy boy!"

That's a bit of a shitter, because my masterpiece is so intricate and long winded, and total bollocks, even I'm struggling to understand it... I may as well just type words at random to be honest... In fact that's an idea, I'm going to do just that. It should be finished by May now and that saves me a full month. Thanks for the honesty Mr. Lynton. I may have to adjust my attitude AFTER it is finished with the 'manic' moniker. I can assure you that is not meant to be the case. I find it funny... I know it's only me that does, but that's who I'm doing it for



Galileo, Galileo, Galileo frig my hole... MagnificoOOO
I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me and I don't blame them.
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for meEEE
Mingehampton

-=Rumours of my death are completely accurate=-
Chris James
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Chris James

Location: Mingehampton on the Why, UK
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 15:33
Dear Spoof,

Hmmmm, I have 16 chapters of my masterpiece on the go... perhaps I am being too ambitious. Oh well, I'm going to carry on and see what happens. I may be some time...

It's easy starting epic total bollocks, but getting it all to gel is a different matter. If I pull this off though, I will be in the pantheon of pillocks, where I want to be.

The good thing is, it's better than J.K Rowling's stuff, which isn't hard I know. I may well not be able to match Dan Brown though in the literary total bollocks brigade.

Chris James
69 Bellend Terrace
Mingehampton

-=Rumours of my death are completely accurate=-
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 15:43
Dear Spoof

He said "pull this off" ^^^^^^^^^



THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 15:45


Dear Spoof

I read with interest today that pensioners and very old people are being encouraged to get back to work. So I thought I'd ask how the membership feels about capital punishment? Perhaps, if there's sufficient interest, we could ask that nice Mr Cameron to have it restored.

Sincerely,

A Pierrpoint
Aylesbury
Bucks



RIP
Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 17:15
I thought that when they abolished hanging old Pierrepoint made millions from soap on a rope

Watching paint dry
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 17:20
Dear Spoof,

I agree with Colonel Juan about capital Punishment.
Maybe we could have a new show, "The exsterminator Factor".
Those that have been given the black cap try to outdo each other with the best novel hanging, or beheading? How about dodge the firing squad? The ideas are endless.

Please vote for the return of the "Black Cap"

Yours Sincerely

Judge Hangem Highaloft
The False Floor
Havering
Cambs

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Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 17:24
Chris.

I only read the avocado in appro this morning and can't find it now.

Although many a true word is sometimes spoken in jest I wasn't 100 percent serious in my comment. I find that I get perhaps 60 percent of your stuff and do find it funny. You have a style of your own which is good because it is so easy to be derivative in comedy writing. That doesn't mean the rest really is manic shite (who am I to judge anyway). It is sometimes quite fast-paced. It probably means that one just has to know the person writing stuff to understand properly where they are coming from. I did put the smiley face on there specially.

I did eally like the one about the devil's avocado but I'm not convinced it was by your 'cousin'. As I said, I can't find it now where is it??????

Watching paint dry
Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 17:25


Dear Spoof..

Please tell Arm to put some Gracie Fields on the deck, turn up the volume, and pipe it through that Lynton's ears.

Like wot he did to me when I didn't rite Dear Spoof.

Honest.. it still hurts..

Yours

Deaf Ted
Deffwick-on-Sea.




RIP
Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 17:29


Dear Spoof..

Now he's riting personal letters like wot he's on Facebook.

Next we know he'll be sayin LOL..

AAAAAGHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh!!!

Yours in pain

Fred Windows
The Cill
Hampton Wick





RIP
Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 17:32
Watch it CJ or you'll hear the sound of one hand slapping

Watching paint dry
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 18:19
Dear Spoof

I spotted an article in yesterday's Huffington Post which alluded to the fact that one of the late Jade Goodie's children claimed to have been visited on a number of occasions by her ghost.

I fail to see how this rather silly little story is newsworthy and without wishing to appear cold-hearted I find it all rather puerile and devoid of any real substance.

Sharon Council-Dwelling
Middlesboro

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 18:26

Quote: Clive Danton

Dear Spoof

I spotted an article in yesterday's Huffington Post which alluded to the fact that one of the late Jade Goodie's children claimed to have been visited on a number of occasions by her ghost.

I fail to see how this rather silly little story is newsworthy and without wishing to appear cold-hearted I find it all rather puerile and devoid of any real substance.

Sharon Council-Dwelling
Middlesboro


DERE SPIFF

DONT YEW TAWK ABART OWR BOOTIFUL ANGLE JAYNE GOODWIN LYKE WOT YEW JUST DUN TAWKED!
SHEE WOZ A ANGLE SENT DARN FROM EAVEN TWO SAYVE UZ AWL SHE WOZ!
I TOOK MY KIDZ TO ER FOONRAL AND FREW MESELF UNDER THE WEELS OV ER CARRIDGE WOT ELD ER BOOTYFUL BODEE WOT WOZ CROOLY TAKEN FROM UZ BY KANCA!
GAWD LUV AND PROTEK OUR BOOTIFUL ANGLE JANE GODWIN AND ER FAFEFUL UBBY JAKE TWEENIE!!

Priscilla Smythe
Sandringham

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Chris James
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Chris James

Location: Mingehampton on the Why, UK
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 18:29
its by Ellie for sure... but tags wouldnt work...

she tried again... still wouldnt work, so its stuck in the system.

As for me. I couldnt care less what people think of my stuff. Im experimenting.. n thats not gettin at you. just saying.. Im trying a bit with my latest thingy, to see if i have what it takes to do some proper stuff. but its growing by the day into a monster. Im having a day off to rethink some stuff.


Quote: Lynton

Chris.

I only read the avocado in appro this morning and can't find it now.

Although many a true word is sometimes spoken in jest I wasn't 100 percent serious in my comment. I find that I get perhaps 60 percent of your stuff and do find it funny. You have a style of your own which is good because it is so easy to be derivative in comedy writing. That doesn't mean the rest really is manic shite (who am I to judge anyway). It is sometimes quite fast-paced. It probably means that one just has to know the person writing stuff to understand properly where they are coming from. I did put the smiley face on there specially.

I did eally like the one about the devil's avocado but I'm not convinced it was by your 'cousin'. As I said, I can't find it now where is it??????


-=Rumours of my death are completely accurate=-
Chris James
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Chris James

Location: Mingehampton on the Why, UK
Registered: 29 Nov 09

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 18:31
Dear Spoof,

I forgot to put Dear Spoof. Sorry.

Retard
69 Bellend Terrace
Mingehampton

-=Rumours of my death are completely accurate=-
Colonel Juan
This user is offline El quien ose, sátirisa
Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 18:41


Dear Spoof

Re Chris James' suicide note.

Don't do it Chris..

You're forgiven!

Just send £5.

Sincerely

God
C/O Ted's Greasy Spoon,
Acton High Street



RIP
Chris James
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Chris James

Location: Mingehampton on the Why, UK
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Posted: 10 Feb 12 19:00
Dear Spoof,

Please take the 3 litre bottles of White Lightning, they buy in bulk from B&M Bargains, off the OAP's. It plays havoc with their medication... On second thoughts don't, buy them more and hold them down, tape a funnel to their mouths with duct tape and I will pore it in til they gag... then keep pouring until they stop gagging... or doing anything else.

Ima Euthanizer
69 Bellend Terrace
Mingehampton

-=Rumours of my death are completely accurate=-
Adam Click
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Adam Click

Registered: 6 Jan 09

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Posted: 10 Feb 12 20:40
Dear Spoof:

Please do not break this chain. for that will surely bring bad luck. Joseph Lupinsky of Oshkosh, Wisconsin broke this chain and died of old age soon after. Bernard Shoft of Philadelphia, broke this chain and drowned in red ink. Adam Click of Cadbury on Chocolate, did likewise and is now writing for TheSpoof.com!

Don't let this happen to you! Send one hogsheads' worth of night soil to the name at the bottom of this list and assure yourself of receiving ten more by the end of the month.

A. Friend

Terminally agitated.
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
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Posted: 11 Feb 12 00:42
Dear Spoof,

I have been informed, by a reformee, that Mr Lynton, has sodomised our Guru, The Clive Danton, by starting his missive without the words; "Dear Spoof".

I can only imagine, that this poor wretch, has been brain washed by those pesky frogs legs munchers, into believing he is invincible. Wrong!

Mr Lynton...Thou hath caused a munting on the good nameth of His Holiness, The Clive Danton..You will be taken hence..without malice aforethought...to a place of repentence.....and there...given two hours of the ear tortue...known to all...as..."Our Gracie" singing..."Sally!"
until you repent..or are very sorry for your doings.

May Mr Danton have Murphy on your cheese roll.

His Excellence
The High Electric Board Inspector
Dungeon 8
Windsor Castle

You aint seen me.....right
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 11 Feb 12 00:51
Dear Spoof,

Am I to believe this place of Elysian Butlins is becoming sour!? Mr Chris James has seen fit to stamp on the foot of our most gracious elder; "The Clive Danton" by writing without the sacred words; "Dear Spoof".

Oh what am I to do!? For he did offer his apalogies, and repent before the alter of doom!.........On this occasion, the court will allow this Flom, to go about his way, given that he has repented. Lest he forget again, Demis Rousos is waiting for him in the sound booth of hell.

The High Executioner
Dear Spoofering
Danton on the Wold
Smethick

You aint seen me.....right
Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

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Posted: 11 Feb 12 01:30
Dear Spoof

I repent my evil ways and will never forget Dear sploff again. As for sodomising Mr Danton, I'll have you know I wouldn't touch with yours.

Are you a Doctor? Are you not making as much money as you should? Why not set yourself up as an ear specialist, post a spoof video on Youtube showing that toast screams when you toast it. Next day they'll be flocking to your door complaining of deafness and burned ears. Wankers!

Watching paint dry

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