Discussion Forum

Dear Spoof

I should like to thank Chris James the mishapen brute-like progeny of the fair and fragrant Ellie, for pointing out that cream has indeed risen to the top and that he said "fuck"

Not in the above post admittedly but I bet he says it all the time, the anglo saxon vernacular spouting bastard! *fume*

Clivey Dee
Bed

Dear Spoof,

On Wednesday night, Mr Danton occupied the village hall and held his "Ignore the Traffic Warden" Training class.
May I please make Mr Danton aware, that Wednesday nights are for Mr Lynton, and his "Lick the Frenchy" class.

Mr Dantons actions have thrown the whole village hall diary out of sorts, and now Mr Colonel Juan and the "Mouse poking Forum" are going to have to cancel until next week.

Will all users please note, if you wish to swap times and days, please write to me in advance of your swop.

Mrs Marigold Mugion
Hon. Sec. Vg Hall.
The Geebles
Ley On The Duvanette

Cambs

Dear Spoof

I wish to complain about the postal service in this country.Nothing ever gets to where it is sent and nothing arrives where it should. Only the other week I ordered three gross of assorted flavoured condoms to see me through next month They still haven't arrived and it's the first of February tomorrow! Never trust your French letters to a second class mail.

r. Jonney esq
Longsheath-Upham
Herts

Dear Spoof,

I woke this morning at 3am, to find Mr Danton and Mr Lynton, sitting on my bed playing Ludo. Can you please inform them, that Ludo is played on wednesday night.
Last week, I woke on monday, at 4am, to find them playing golf! Is it any wonder, the cat stays out at night?


Mostin Mostern

Ilkley Moor Bah Tat
Thee Knows
Smitherton

Dear Spoof

I respectfully and deferentially request that Mr Armandhammer-Tooth-Balm-And-Maternity- Denture- Fixative might consider curbing his enthusiasm for Double Gloucester on toast washed down with a steaming mug of molten Camembert before beddy byes and also that he adds a soupcon of water to his Brake Cleaner On The Beach cocktails while he's about it.

Clivey Dee
22 Shit Street
London E4

Dear Spoof,
I would like to say how much pleasure I get from my reading on this auspicious forum topic, the inputs of Leisurely Monsieur Lynton, Artemis Arm, and Herr Danton.

I do not understand exactly what they are on about, but guessing is part of the pleasure, and being confused is my usual condition.

Please pass on my appreciation, best wishes, and impetigo to them.

Many thanks.

D. Zeid
Wards D54 & E15
QMC Hospital
Nottintooimportantville
QMC Hospital

Dear Spoof,

I opened a letter this morning from a Mr Inchcock. I spent four days reading, it was written on a roll of wallpaper.
Can I please thank Mr Inchcock for his felicitations, but remind him, that the rain forests are in such a condition, that he should in future, write his letters on newspaper.


Mr Armfeetandtoe

The Crypt
Plot C
Row 6
Mortlake Cremetorium
Putney

Dear Spoof

Watch out for Terrence Arthur Skuttle.

He's a heartless bastard.

You should see what he did to my gerbil..


In confidence,

Minnie Farthing (height 3' 7")
Seaview
Worthing

Dear Spoof

Arm never fails to make me smile and Inch once made me laff my soppy bollox off at his "Doctor Doctor" jokes in the jokes section.

So sue me

Clivey Dee
Comedy Wonderland

Dear Spoof

Convert your phone book into a cheap and handy personal address book by simply going through it and crossing out the names and numbers of people you dont know.

Brenda Fuck
Lemington Spa

Dear Spoof,

Next time anyone writes LOL on this site I'm gonna suffocate the fucking twaddock of a cunt with my massive tits..

What the shit do people think this place is?

Fuckin Facebook?

In anger,

Juanita
The beach
Worthing

Dear Spoof,

Mr. Danton,

Did you see the massive erection with your name carelessly tossed in?

Twas a homage coz I find it funny when you do it...

Also, just incase any of you were wondering, which you werent, because of my temporary position I decided once again to affirm the hallowed name of TheSpoof with any readers that read my tripe so they might come back again.. by remembering it... granted I enjoyed doing them though... I like to try and pay my way here... try being the operative word.



Chris James
Number2
Butnot Formuchlonger
Thoughhewillalwaysbeanumbertwoshire

Dear Spoof

I'm afraid Mr James used so many words that could quite easily be construed as smutty innuendo in the above missive that I ran out of keyboard in an attempt to chronicle them.

The worst one was definitely "position" though.

How his depravity and sub human, brute like sexual joi de vivre both disgusts and delights!

Clivey Dee
Dungeon

---

Quote: armfeetandtoe

Dear Spoof,

I opened a letter this morning from a Mr Inchcock. I spent four days reading, it was written on a roll of wallpaper.
Can I please thank Mr Inchcock for his felicitations, but remind him, that the rain forests are in such a condition, that he should in future, write his letters on newspaper.


Mr Armfeetandtoe

Dear Spoof,

My pen-pal, the dearest Arm, is correct in his desire to save the rainforests of our doomed world.

I fear that newspapers are on my economy drive list, and you can't get them at the chips shops nowadays.

However, I do get several take-away menus through the door daily, would writing my communications on these suffice?

I should have thought of using these leaflets myself, but the memories and passions brought back to me with my Griselda diaries, has made me a bit emotional and sad.

Inchandabitcock (things stirred with the memories of Grizelda this week)

Dear Spoof,

Dear Clive,

I meant the photo of the massive erection in the spoof about a blue peter badge with your name engraved underneath it for posteriority you cad.

I thought you were bounder notice but like all people with taste, sense and other senses you appear to have avoided it. Good show.

Youll be telling me of course that you have a blue peter because of this cold weather, so Ive spoilt it for you.

Nostradamus
Derek Akorah Rd
Mysticmeg
Twotshire
TW4 TT1

Dear Spoof,

Excellent I have got my full address. let me try it

Chris James
69 Bellend Terrace
Mingehampton on the Why
Twotshire
TW4 TT1

lolooollooollloolllll oh shit Juan's titties are coming...

Chris James
69 Bellend Terrace
Cantbebothered
blah
whatever

Dear Spoof,

Please inform Mr Inchcock, that using the menu paper saves three trees and a bat for every one trillion take aways purchased. Calculate this over a hundred years, and you wont be able to see the wood for the trees.

Please tell him I still love him, despite his madness.

Armfeetandtoe
Clunk Click
The belters
Dagenham

Dear Spoof

Please inform Mr James that I genuinely didn't spot his grovelling and quite frankly deeply embarrassing homage to myself via the medium of a popular children's tv programme, the twee presenters of which are routinely exposed as being rapists, wild eyed drug abusers, rent boys and ex estate agents.

However if he'd care to furnish me with a link I'll be more than happy to both own and humiliate him in front of billions the length and breadth of the cyber universe.

Clivey Dee
Pub

Dear Spoof

On a recent holiday to Egypt I decided to go on a short trip in The Sahara Desert. Before leaving I went into a local shop and paid £10 for a map.
Imagine my annoyance when I got outside and found I'd been given a sheet of sandpaper

Ian Homoerotica
Brighton
Sussex

Dear Spoof

I'm reading a book about Peter Cook at the moment and I am totally enjoying it. Would totally recommend it to anyone.

From KF2

Dear Spoof,

I've been having trouble with my car. My neighbour, Frank, told me to take it to Harry, who lives on the corner, because "Harry knows his onions".

What have onions got to do with it?

yours,

Cecil "Cec" Poole
Nitterbridge
Northhamptonfordcestershire

Dear Spoof

Onions have nothing to do with it. That neighbour should mind his p's and q's. Don't take it to that Danton fellow either he'll have it off to Nigeria and palm you off with a cardboard cut-out, leaving you to go Brrrm Brrrrm up the Mile End road. Talking of Brrr's, just dig your car out of the snow drift, you'll find it will be OK once you can see it.

Dear Spoof,

does this Frenchman speak the truth? Ought I to respect his o(pi)nions? Or is all this the mere rigmarole of a coarse and uncultured onion-seller?

After all, the French only have bicycles and those silly cars that collapse.

Yours,

Cecil "Cec" Poole,

Dear Spoof,

I would like to say, "How very dare you!" To those people that have denigrated the good name of the French people.
Is it not enough, that they lost at Waterloo, have garlic breath, and live in Paris. Not only that, one of my friends lives in France, and if this got out, he would have to give up the Tutu and the French fancy.

You know who you are, and the onions will give you away, and give you the runs, or , give you a run for your money.

Viva le Harry!

Mondure Gargole Fromage
Rue De La Pompinon
Visadon
Paris

Dear Spoof

Cash strapped working mums. Get real value for money when buying Alphabetti Spaghetti for your hungry youngsters by flying to Russia and getting it in one of their supermarkets as the Cyrillic alphabet has a few more letters than our conventional English one.

By the same token avoid buying the product in Portugal as they have no "W" or "K" in their alphabet and may possibly result in your child being unable to spell "Wank" when writing disgusting two bob cheap porn for hardcore grumble mags.

Gus Firstworldwar
Millwall Docks
London *The rough bit*