Discussion Forum

Dear Spoof....

Is this dress too short?

Yours, Debbie

c/o
Canal Street
Manchesdter

---

Quote: IainB

Dear Spoof....

Is this dress too short?

Yours, Debbie

c/o
Canal Street
Manchesdter

---

Dear Spoof,

Please inform the previous correspondent that her dress is not too short.

In my opinion it is far too long.

Sincerely,

Mr P. Ervert,
Smutstown,
Muckyshire.

Dear Spoof,

Going back to what my honourable friend, Mr Danton related previously, I've decided to join him. It isn't a knee jerk reaction, but something I've been mulling over for some time now.

The simple truth is that I've lost the urge to have fun here, because quite frankly, it isn't fun any more. At least not for me. Or, I suspect Clive, and others who are notable by their absence.

Coming here used to be a fun distraction, but it just doesn't seem that way any more. It's just filled with behind the scenes bitching and point grabbing mania, with little regard for writing or humour. What was said to Clive, and what lay behind it was kind of the last straw. That on top of the writer who launched a scathing public and personal attack on myself in a week where my father died, and my router broke down, so that I couldn't even respond. Nice move that matey chum. Fucking impeccable timing.

So it seems fitting to announce my own retirement from Spoofery on Clivey's thread.

Visiting this site ought to be an inspirational and fun experience, but in recent months it's sapped my will to live. It's akin to watching a dear friend suffer a slow, excruciating death. Sorry, that's how I feel at the moment.

On a happier note:

Season's Greetings To All,

Thank You

Goodnight,

Skoob.

Debbie Darling
c/o The Spoof.com

Dear Debbie,

If that skirt was any shorter, you'd have to buy a hair net.

Regards,
Jes Hewit

P.S. I'm outta here and hereby secede from this union. Give all my points to some soul that covets them.

Dear Spoof

I ran over a Jewish geezer in Whitechapel High Street earlier. I've jumped out the motor and stuck a pillow under his nut before covering him with a traveling rug.

"Are you comfortable my son?" I asked him, my face etched with concern.

"Oi vay" he moaned "I make a living"

That's all folks. No really!.

CRY HAVOC AND RELEASE THE ACRONOMISTS OF YORE!

Clivey Dee
On The Sofa With A Lovely Mug Of Splosh And His Noddy And Big Ears Slippers On.

Dear Spoof,

I have reported that Danton fellow for being anti semetic.


Shiek Abdul Ahman El Hombre
Lahal Street
Dubai

Dear Spoof Dear Spoof Users

This thread has been closed due to the current Fisting Cliff. However, we'd like to remind you that if it's zany humour and off the wall comments you're looking for - there's always the 'ACRONYMS' thread.

Where basically you just write a stream of meaningless drivel based on the previous word. The advantage of this is that if you have a reasonable vocabulary you can participate, and the results are invariably hysterically funny.

Providing you're a drooling resident of a nursing home.

The originators of this thread apologise for any inconvenience, but they're all busy right now attending a BNP meeting and getting blind drunk whilst they discuss the possible outcome of being sued for plagiarism.

On behalf of the thread stalwarts

Skoob (Idiot non-pareil)

Where's the door?

WHERE'S THE BLADDY DOOR?

Oh...you blew it off...

Never mind...if it ain't broke, don't fix it...

Dear Spoof,

On a slightly different note I've just been watching the ITV news and they had a report about gay marriage.

They then had three people talking about it. A spokesman from gay rights group Stonewall called Sam Dick. Then two Tory MP's, Mark Pritchard and Peter Bone.

Is someone at ITV taking the piss?

Yours childishly,
Hugh Arse,
Isle of Man,
Lebanon

Dear Spoof,
Just thought you fine people might like to try a little method of saving money suggested to me by my good friend Mr George Osborne. All you need to do is to put aside in a jar or a tin any two pound coins that come your way. I myself began following this advice in August of this year and have already amassed three of the said coins in my jam jar (rinsed out before starting the savings scheme by my good wife of course).

When I've amassed five of them in my jar, George said five of them will make a total savings of thirteen pounds, I'm going to take Samantha and the children out somewhere nice for us to have a big spend up with them before beginning the whole process again. Do give it a try, it's amazing how quickly one comes to have a significant number of the two pound coins put by.

Toodle pip for now,

David Cameron.

Dear Spoof,

Singer Jon King, guitarist Andy Gill, bass guitarist Dave Allen and drummer Hugo Burnham.

The Gang Of Four

Yours,

W. Moods

Dear Spoof:

If the Gang of Whores has any to spare, they might donate theirs to the Sanitary Commission at 6 Broad Street, Dunbar.

Dear Spoof,

I have been most disturbed to hear that clues of the recent Mayan Apocalypse can be heard in popular hits from years ago. Most notably I am reminded of Paul Gascoigne's 1990 novelty hit "Fog on the Tyne, it's all Mayan, all Mayan".

However, I believe I have also heard the rumours of the aforementioned earth-wide destruction in other songs such as David Bowie's 1971 hit "Velvet Gold Mayan".

But most disturbing of all, this year I read on the internet that J K Rowling himself has released an e-book under the pseudonym of Adolf Hitler, which is entitled "Mayan Camp".

Such stories make the actual apocalypse look like a damp squib.
Yours, buttered and ready,

Herr Drier Unt Blofeld (retired 2nd class coward, Panzerdivision 73)

Dear Spoof,

This whole modern Mayan Debacle started with the Beatles and Paul McCartney penning "The End" on Abbey Road. Then of course you know Yoko was actually a Mayan high priestess in a former life and symbolically she ended the Beatles. But of course it was really Ringo's ring in HELP that lead to the largest stir of Mayan calender frenzy among a small Druid set of fans from Ireland. Carry on. Oh and I'm also announcing that after my final magazine article in my series Born To Spoof, I shall be retiring from this website. Nothing personal, but as Skoob has expressed, its no fun here anymore and a friend of mine has had their feelings hurt. So really who needs it, but I'm going to finish doing something that use to give me great enjoyment here and leave on a positive note. Thank you. God bless us every one!

JLF

Dear Spoof:

I had virtual sex with four of your writers about two weeks ago, and I am writing to warn the rest of you to avoid intercourse with them.

I admit I was willing to go toes up for them, but I did not realize that they would go behind my back (well I allowed that too) and tell the headmaster that I was a slut and all.

Well, that was bad enough, but I seem to have contracted some type of disease that makes my balls itch and burn constantly.

Beware.

Dom Perigrine

Dear Dear Spoof,

Been fun growing up here. Now that I'm entering the 6th grade, I feel I am intellectually moving beyond jokes that imply people have venereal disease because they volunteered for positions that helped someone impose quite reasonable rules on us 5th graders.

So it is time for something different, but when one door closes another one opens. Sorry I offended anyone, but so be it.

JLF

I don't quite get where that previous message is coming from.

Turned out nice again.

Skoob.

Jean:

Sorry to see you leave.

PoM

---

Quote: Jean Le Fete

Dear Spoof,

This whole modern Mayan Debacle started with the Beatles and Paul McCartney penning "The End" on Abbey Road. Then of course you know Yoko was actually a Mayan high priestess in a former life and symbolically she ended the Beatles. But of course it was really Ringo's ring in HELP that lead to the largest stir of Mayan calender frenzy among a small Druid set of fans from Ireland. Carry on. Oh and I'm also announcing that after my final magazine article in my series Born To Spoof, I shall be retiring from this website. Nothing personal, but as Skoob has expressed, its no fun here anymore and a friend of mine has had their feelings hurt. So really who needs it, but I'm going to finish doing something that use to give me great enjoyment here and leave on a positive note. Thank you. God bless us every one!

JLF

---

Dear Spoof:

In the tradition of Boxing day Mrs. Philbert and Mrs. Skoob are allowing their spouses to rule the roost for the day!

Victoria Box
London, UK

Dear Spoof

I'm with Philbert.

Is the 'Dear Spoof' thread still running?

Kindest

Skoob of Macedonia.

Dear Spoof,

Where's my pants?

Socks, plenty. Pants, none. Shirts many, pants missing.

Ah sod it, I'll go commando.

(Up) Yours,

Peter Pantsless