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Philbert of Macadamia
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Philbert of Macadamia

Location: Pizmo Beach, Pennsyltucky
Registered: 20 May 08

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Posted: 11 Nov 12 16:07
Dear Spoof:

Souldn't the word in the previous letter be fermented rather than demented?

Jack Daniels
Lynchburg, Tennessee

There is intelligent life in outer space!
Then why do the UFO's not land on the Earth?
As I said, there is intelligent life in outer space!
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 11 Nov 12 19:28
Dear Spoof,

Re the missive from Mr Skoob, I have turned the house upside down looking for hidden cameras and microphones.
Can he give me an assurance that the footage with me and the blow up doll will not end up on Youtube.


Yours Faithfully

Harold McDuff MP
The House of Commons
London

You aint seen me.....right
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 13 Nov 12 16:16
Dear Spoof

After making a humorous remark about gay marriage on The Huffington Post earlier I received 9 "faves" and 4 comments which included one from a lady who said I sounded "very nice" and "a good man" and one from a young chap who wanted to bum me.

I shall therefore be restricting myself to contributing to that august publication for the foreseeable as it would appear that the dear old spoof forum has gone the same way as large tufts of my wife's hair after she's washed it in the bath............down the plughole.

Va con Dios.

Olive Dee
22 Shit Street
Lower Huffington
Dumfries






THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Francois Dubois, S.J.
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Francois Dubois, S.J.

Location: Convent of the Queer, WV
Registered: 17 Feb 12

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Posted: 13 Nov 12 17:02
Dear spoof:

Please forward this message to Clive Danton.


You should be nicer to bums, Clivey.

They are just attempting to get what you have. I pass a dozen a day on my way to work. Most promise to work for food.

I don't know what kind of work bums do, but there are so many of them out of work. We must do something!

Sincerely,

Deeply disturbed bum advocate

"And the lowly dogs licked Gaztopimus clean as he slept."
From the Lost Gospels of the SSHites: Chapter 6, verse 48
Skoob1999
This user is offline Caretaker
Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 14 Nov 12 05:26
Dear Spoof,

To be quite frank, ask me if I give a frying fluck about absolutely anything? Answer:No.

I'm off to Deutschland for three days between Christmas and New Year.

In a five star hotel. With the love of me life.

Not to mention a meet up at the Coal Hole in some hovel called The Strand on December 15th.

Wherever that may be.

(Four quid from Waterloo on the Underground - that's where that is. And it's only one fucking stop. To Embankment. Unless you want to brave the elements and walk all that way across Waterloo Bridge...running the risk of having your snazzy fedora being blown off into the river - Ed)

Thanks Ed.

Not that I give a jumpin' jack flash - that's me sorted until next year!

Martin Shuttlecock
Titchfield.



RIP
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 14 Nov 12 06:41
^^^^^^^ The undisputed doyen of The Spoof demonstrating that he's not at bay at all by fearlessly flying in the face of acronomy and bumping up Dear Spoof (now celebrating its glorious 1280th post) and mentioning Germany there.

Dear Spoof

What a con the concept of free speech on The Huffington Post is! Last night I happened to mention that I was quite glad that Governor Mitt Romney wasn't the leader of the free world and immediately received a threatening email which included a boxing glove on a spring from the political editor who referred to me as "A goddamn limey, pinko fag and a commie loving s.o.b."

I felt miserable

Anon.

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 14 Nov 12 12:45
Dear Spoof (now celebrating...etc)

What an absolute joke the so-called British justice system is! Whilst driving to work this morning I spotted a police officer chatting away in an extremely friendly manner to a lorry driver who'd just shed his load on the carriageway and yet when I did the same thing whilst peeping through the curtains of the ladies changing room in Marks & Spencers I was fined £250 and given a 6 month suspended sentence for lewd conduct. Where's the justice in that?

Marvin Cleavage
Top Shop
Brisbane

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 14 Nov 12 13:11
Dear Spoof,

I agree with Mr Cleavage, wheres the justice in that? The other day, whilst walking to the shop, I saw a policeman talking very politely to a homocidal maniac who had just axed three people to death. But, when I got caught taking up skirt photos in the museum, I got a £50 fine and had to hand the pictures over to the judge. Wheres the justice in that?


Esmold Futterbuck
The Grange
Bismark

You aint seen me.....right
Philbert of Macadamia
This user is offline Historical nutcase
Philbert of Macadamia

Location: Pizmo Beach, Pennsyltucky
Registered: 20 May 08

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Posted: 14 Nov 12 17:12
Dear Spoof:

It seems that some of the The Spoof writers may have been on to something about stories involving sex, sexual organs and boobs. These folks were ridiculed as not being literary giants! Well, the world media are now covering the current Democratic Obama administration sex and national security scandals.

We here at the White House are hoping for a return to the good old days of Republican administration money scandals to keep Democratic administration fooling around off the front page and off the 24 hour TV news services!

Sex Sells
Forth Assistant Press Secretary
The White House
Washington DC


There is intelligent life in outer space!
Then why do the UFO's not land on the Earth?
As I said, there is intelligent life in outer space!
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 14 Nov 12 23:14
Dear Spoof,

A sandwich walks into a pub, and the Barman says;

"Sorry, we dont serve food".

Whats all that about then eh.


Arnold Snood
33 Old Kent Road
London
SE1

You aint seen me.....right
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 15 Nov 12 11:43
Dear Spoof,

A white horse walks into a pub. the barman says;

"we've got a whiskey named after you"

and the horse replies;

"What, Eric?"

I mean, whats all that about then eh


Boris Wormhild
Fulham Road
London
SW6

You aint seen me.....right
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 16 Nov 12 16:14
Dear Spoof

What a con this so called Bovril is. I drank a full imperial pint of the beefy and nourishing beverage earlier and even though I drained my mug and said heartily "How that beefy taste warmed me" I still didn't feel like Sir Chris Bonnington after heroically scaling Everest.

Sir Chris Bonnington
The toilet
Sunderland

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 17 Nov 12 07:34
Dear Spoof

I read in my newspaper this morning that X Factor judge and homemade grumble movie enthusiast Tulissa Costantanopolploplopliplopliploploilois sent a tweet pertaining to her love rival in a tryst involving herself and some fuckwitted premier league football playing cunt that I've never heard of, stating "u r a liar n a pschotic obsessed nutta"

She then tweeted shortly after "i dont want 2 get in 2 a public war of words"

So that's that cleared up then

Phew!

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Simon Saunders
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Simon Saunders

Location: The Republic of Ninnies.
Registered: 22 Feb 12

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Posted: 17 Nov 12 11:34 - Edited By: Simon Saunders, 17 Nov 12 11:37
Dear Spoof,

Mr Danton raises (no laughing at the back) an interesting point regarding Tulisa off of the X Tractor.

It's good to hear she doesn't want to get into a war of words over some moronic footballer she's straddling or whatever. There's enough of that sort of thing.

Having said that, judging by her tweets I'm not sure that she knows many words.

Mr Dick Tionary
Oxford
Consise.

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 17 Nov 12 12:50
DERE SPOOV

E SHUDENT TAWK ABART CHULEEZAH LYKE WOT E JUST DUN TAWKED. SHEEZ AN ANGLE CUM DARM FRUM EAVEN TO SAYVE THE WELD FRUM LAYDEEZ WOT GET THERE TITS ART IN FRUNT OF PREMMYERE FUTBALLERS.

YUS SHE GIVED HER BOYFREND A NOSH ON THE KAMERA BUT WEEVE ALL DONE THAT IN OWR TYME. I NO MY MUM AS.

GAWD LOVE AND SAYVE OWR BOOTYFUL PRESHUS ANGLE CHEWBACCA!

JAAAAAAAYNE!

Lady Hermione Simpson
22 Burdette Mews
Pimlico
London W3

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
Francois Dubois, S.J.
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Francois Dubois, S.J.

Location: Convent of the Queer, WV
Registered: 17 Feb 12

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Posted: 17 Nov 12 19:07
Dear Spoof:

As a paying customer, I take offense at the fucking language on the above thread. You should all learn to speak your own fucking language without resorting to obsenities thrown about like uncooked linguine to see if it sticks to the fucking wall.

Father Francois Dubois, S.J.

"And the lowly dogs licked Gaztopimus clean as he slept."
From the Lost Gospels of the SSHites: Chapter 6, verse 48
Skoob1999
This user is offline Caretaker
Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 17 Nov 12 19:23 - Edited By: Skoob1999, 17 Nov 12 19:24
Dear Spoof

This fuckwittery has gone too far.

A gorilla walks into a pub, orders a pint of poncey Fullers London Girly Lightweight Pride. The barman pours it and serves it up on the bar.

The gorilla hands over a twenty pound note.

The barman gives the gorilla three pounds change, and says:

"We don't get many gorillas in here."

The gorilla takes a deep breath, sighs, and says calmly:

"I'm not fucking surprised, at seventeen quid a pint."

I'll get me coat.

J. Davidson
Gaza.

RIP
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 17 Nov 12 20:46
Dear Spoof,

How far can one go on a Fuckwittery? Only. I was thinking about getting a new moped to whizz me round the garden whilst chasing that bastard Great Dane of mine.



Gaza
J. Davison
Jimbob

You aint seen me.....right
Skoob1999
This user is offline Caretaker
Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 17 Nov 12 21:09
Dear Spoof

What on earth are you thinking by running this frankly rather crap thread at the head of your 'General Discussion' forum when there are hilarious acronyms to be revelled in and Erskine Quint has been unleashed on the world?

Are you mad, or what?

The Gods of comedy are being ignored and bypassed while people are reading this load of old toot.

It's a shameful state of affairs.

Major Thomas Percival(Ret'd)
Cotswolds.

RIP
Simon Saunders
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Simon Saunders

Location: The Republic of Ninnies.
Registered: 22 Feb 12

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Posted: 18 Nov 12 02:06
Dear Spoof,

Is fuckwittery the same as knobchoppery?

And what the hell is shitflickery?

I hope this can be cleared up quicker than that nasty rash I caught off my gardener Carlos.

Yours muckily,
Lady Camilla Tittington-Suckwell,
Middlewank Estate,
Itchy-Upon-Crotch

Currently discussing possible legal action with his lawyer after not winning the writing compo
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 18 Nov 12 13:10
Dear Spoof,

I was so pleased to get an e-mail from a fellow Spoofer, suggesting I do not attend the pre christmas jolly on the 15th of December. Apparently, I might cause offence to a couple of old boys. How silly of me to have caused such agnst. Please be assured, I shall not attend.

"i Vostri nemici vengono con il sorriso suiloro volti"

As my friends from Sicily would say.

The village idiot
Sussex

You aint seen me.....right
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 18 Nov 12 14:14
Dear Spoof

I should like to assure my good friend and confee....confy.....confido....geezer what listens to my dialogue, Mr Armandhammer-gently-explosive-maternity-teeth-whitening-gel that the only way he'll upset any of the Coal Hole Firm is if he happens to sit on one of em.

See you there Half Pint.

Olive Dee
Platform 9
Charing Cross Station
The Posh Section
Perth

THE SATIRIST'S SAFE HOUSE.....IT AINT HALF SSHITE MUM
churchmouse
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churchmouse

Location: France
Registered: 23 Sep 10

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Posted: 18 Nov 12 16:56 - Edited By: churchmouse, 18 Nov 12 16:58
Dear Spoof,

I for once agree with young Danton of the drip-tray. Mister Arm-and-hammer-maternity-dental-fixative is always welcome for a soireé with the chaps in a once elegant Edwardian boozer.

Childish bickering does no good whatsoever.

Adult sniping and general silly-bollocksness is however a wonderful thing, and becomes more wonderful with wonderfulness as the beer slips down.

I for one would be delighted to see you there provided that I still have the ability to see anything after an hour or so.

Shirtmoose
500 miles south off the nearest decent pint
Feather-Spittingham
France

And as the baby rabbit of hope emerges into the soft sunlight of happiness to be confronted with the double barrels of reality
Skoob1999
This user is offline Caretaker
Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 18 Nov 12 18:06
Dear Spoof

What is it with Armfeetandtoe? He's got an arm, some feet and a toe. Hopefully not a hump as well.

Of course he's more than welcome. To suggest otherwise would be silly. Be a pleasure to stand him a drinky poo or two.

So, Arm, - who kindly advised you that your presence would not be appreciated?

Be interested to know.

Although I could probably hazard a guess.

Regards

Skoob.



RIP
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 18 Nov 12 18:48
Dear Spoof,

Please let the chaps know, that I have not bothered to reply to the up start but would like to make it clear. I would not, under any circumstances, go out of my way to embaress any of you, while attending any sort of function.
Obviously, some concerns have been raised with certain people and they have said; "It might be inapropiate" for me to join in the japes, because of past arguments.

I have never, and do not, waste my life, grinding my teeth over ridiculous diatribe and pathetic insults. What has been has been, and it is forgotten. History. I feel sorry for people that live in fear, it must be terrible.

"Burrasca furiusa prestu passa"

As my Scilian friends would say.

Armerloid the Slaughterer
Hells Bells
West Sussex

You aint seen me.....right

54 Pages - «« « 50 51 [52] 53 54 »
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