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Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

Location: London
Registered: 29 Nov 11

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Posted: 25 Jan 12 17:14

Quote: Inchcock

Dear Spoof,

That Clive Danton, Spoofer and Wicker bottom chair repairer, is far too witty for my liking.

He always comes up with something cleverly written, suave, indicative, cutting, humorous, or popular - he makes me sick, jealous, and incapable.

Amongst anagrams of his name, are:

A cloven dint
Devil Cannot
A convent lid
Vile Don cant
Coven lad nit
Devil cant no
Evict on land
Naive con Ltd
Nonce laid tv
Into venal CD
It lent van.co
Devil cannot

Which is your favourite?

He may be better looking than me, richer, happier, fitter, wiser, cleverer, taller, more educated, have a job, have a family, not wear two hearing aids, and be attractive to the opposite sex, but was he trained as a Gas lamp lighter/dimmer operator in his local cinema in 1962? Eh?

(Mind you, I'm glad he's joined us at the Spoof really!)

Inchcockum


Dear Spoof

Please inform the sickly, envy riddled, bumbling and totally inept Mr Innefectualpenis that his seering crtique of my good self was by turn hurtful, brutal, uncalled for, savage, harsh and absolutely hilarious.

In fact I haven't laughed so heartily since I celebrated winning The Gaslamp Lighter/Dimmer Operative Of The Year Award surrounded by a bevy of scantily clad Page Three lovelies.

Ah such happy, halcyon, semen replete days my friends! *lights pipe and attracts opposite sex*

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 25 Jan 12 19:38
Dear Spoof,

I would like to complain about the people that complain about Mr Clive Danton, in particular, Mr Lynton O'Chateau and that rake, Mr Inchcock McFlange, thay are constant with thier rape of his every letter, it must stop.

I for one, enjoy his writing and would never dream of calling him names like, Sputum, Mouldy septum, Elongated proboscus face, Worm stroker, rat tickler, and tit. Just because he is so very funny and hillarious.

Someone else has beaten me to it.


Very Best Wishes

Mango Chutness

Prawn bed crawler
The Lees
Oswestry

You aint seen me.....right
Jaggedone
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Jaggedone

Location: Back under the bridge!
Registered: 8 Apr 09

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Posted: 25 Jan 12 20:07
straight jackets please to West Sussex and London; brilliant stuff U pair!

Monkey nutter...
Colonel Juan
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Colonel Juan

Location: C/O Juanita Juan
Registered: 24 Aug 09

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Posted: 25 Jan 12 20:29


Danton, you cocksucking twerp..

Will you please stop quoting back what everyone says..

It's a waste of space and a complete waste of paper

I've told Mark and he agrees..

I've also told Skoob and he agrees too..

Reform!

Or watch out..

Regards

CJ






RIP
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 25 Jan 12 23:39
Dear Spoof,

I was clearing out my kitchen cupboards when I came across a copy of Mr Jaggedone's book; "Jag does Dallas". Am I to understand, that just because he uses the word; "Vasaline", and "Alter Boy" the book was banned in the Vatican?

May I make it quite clear, I think he is an excellent author and will continue to read his works despite the hullabaloo from the Pontif.

Can you tell me, does Mr Jaggedone still wear the truscott while lathering a weavel?

Yours Sincerely

Angina Mortisha

The thrumox
Wesbot-on-the Camber
Yorks. (West)

You aint seen me.....right
Inchcock
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Inchcock

Location: Nottingham, England
Registered: 18 Jun 10

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Posted: 26 Jan 12 06:57 - Edited By: Inchcock, 26 Jan 12 06:58
Dear Spoof,

Regarding Moshuer...Minsur.. Mushuie.. Mr Danton's,

'In fact I haven't laughed so heartily since I celebrated winning The Gaslamp Lighter/Dimmer Operative Of The Year Award surrounded by a bevy of scantily clad Page Three lovelies.'

God he knows how to make someone jealous!

Inch

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 26 Jan 12 07:07

Quote: Jaggedone

straight jackets please to West Sussex and London; brilliant stuff U pair!


Fer chrissakes is it too much to ask that you finish your bloody sentences JO?

Pair of what exactly?

If you reply to this then for gawd's sake don't use the quote facility. CJ doesn't like it and will use his connections with all the top boys on the site to get us blackballed and have all our contributions filed in the cultural hinterland of the science and technology section.

I think he's already started doing it with me

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 26 Jan 12 07:09
Dear Spoof

Dont make me take my trousers down and compound your misery Inch.



Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Inchcock
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Inchcock

Location: Nottingham, England
Registered: 18 Jun 10

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Posted: 26 Jan 12 07:21 - Edited By: Inchcock, 26 Jan 12 07:22
Arm,

My favourite anagrams for you are:
Aerated men oft - No to fetted ram & Feared not tame!

For me:
Chamber Cock Sin & Chemic Knob Scar

Did you read the article by Victor Vasilavski,
'Vaseline vindicates vehement vulvovaginitis via vast vaccinations at Vatican?'

x

Bonk hurs Manor
Itsgonagain Lane
Passtit Pastures
Not in ham.

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Inchcock
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Inchcock

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Posted: 26 Jan 12 07:27

Quote: Clive Danton

Dear Spoof

Dont make me take my trousers down and compound your misery Inch.





What a kind offer.

Something flashed through my mind then... But I must decline, as the doctor says I shouldn't get excited nowadays!

Aber Vielen Dank meines schönes

Inchcock (on a good day anyway)

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Lynton
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Lynton

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Posted: 26 Jan 12 16:50
Put it on the shelf I'll smoke it later


Quote: Clive Danton

Dear Spoof

Dont make me take my trousers down and compound your misery Inch.




Watching paint dry
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 26 Jan 12 19:13
Dear Spoof

I would like to express my outrage at the blatant and deeply wounding "nobbist" comment made by Mr Lynton in the above post.
It's this type of casual, throwaway dismissal of other people's nobs that has reduced this once proud nation to a festering cesspit of filth and a bodily particle mentioning hive of iniquity that formerly could only be experienced in some of the more inacessible reaches of Darkest Africa and Sidney Australia.

Admittedly we cant all boast of possessing large genitalia and indeed I readily admit that my own humble appendage is a mere three inches.................................FROM THE GROUND!!!!!

Clivey Dee
22 Shit Street E7

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 26 Jan 12 19:27
Dear Spoof

John Wayne. Show absolutely no outward sign of being in pain after getting shot or beaten within an inch of your life but wince violently as a woman cleans your wounds.

Roy Jungle
Tierra Del Fuego


Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
churchmouse
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churchmouse

Location: France
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Posted: 26 Jan 12 19:52 - Edited By: churchmouse, 26 Jan 12 19:54
Dear Spoof,

Re-experience your life during your mid-teens once more by only speaking to members of the opposite sex in monosyllables and telling all of your mates what your wife/girlfriend does in bed and whenever possible act like a complete knob.

For added realism, try smearing lard onto your face to induce chronic acne.



Jeremy Clarkson.

And as the baby rabbit of hope emerges into the soft sunlight of happiness to be confronted with the double barrels of reality
Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
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Posted: 27 Jan 12 00:07
Deara spoofa

I wen to de doctor. I say I gotta de crabs inna mya bearda innit - how I stoppa dis a happenin?

He say donna goa downa on de beach again


I say she notta beach she respeccable laydee


He saya you notta knowa where she bin


I say her bin in de back yard like ev-bodies bladdy bins


He call himself a doctor


He maybe Doctor butta he stoopeed cant!



Marco Roni
Venezzia




Watching paint dry
Inchcock
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Inchcock

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Posted: 27 Jan 12 05:49

Quote: Clive Danton

..... experienced in some of the more inacessible reaches of Darkest Africa and Sidney Australia.



Dear Spoof,

I feel (quiet often too) that Mr Danton is taking the piss, and being deflamatory (which is better then being deflamalabour) about my friend Sidney, from Australia.

Sidney is a nice, kind, moral, and decent man, and his reaches are not inaccessible at all to those who know him.

Thank you.

Robin Andis-Merrymen
Kindanice Library WCs
1100hrs > 1400hrs Tues, Weds, @ Fridays

Nemo Mortalium Omnibus Horis Sapit
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 27 Jan 12 06:22
Dear Spoof

Am I alone in despairing of the vacuous celebrity culture that seems to pervade every level of British society these days?
One can barely open a newspaper or turn on one's speaking wireless set without hearing about the tawdry lives of so-called celebrities such as Katy Price and her unsavoury, immoral ilk.
No wonder they're beginning to refer to this once proud nation as Broken Britain.

Shazza Scroggins
Dagenham
Essex

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 27 Jan 12 06:24 - Edited By: Clive Danton, 27 Jan 12 06:25
Dear Spoof

DONT U TAWK ABART KAYTEE LYKE THAT! SHEEZ A ROLL MODLE TO UZ AWL AN WEN EYE AVE ANUVER BAYBEE EYE WILL KAWL IT KAYTEE AND IF ITZ A BOUY EYE'LL CAWL IT PEETER ARFTER ER LUVLEE USBAN PETERR ANDREWS!
GAWD LUV AND SAYVE OWR KAYTEE!!

Hermione Cutglass
Hampstead

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 27 Jan 12 06:31
Dear Spoof

The above poster is typical of the kind of pondlife and flippertygibbets that are infesting these once proud isles of ours.
A sound thrashing with horse whip and a spell in the stocks is what these creatures would benefit from in my opinion. It all seemed to begin with the death of that other odious creature Jade Goody and has just gone from bad to worse if you ask me

Shazza Sroggins
Essex

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 27 Jan 12 06:37
Dear Spoof

DONT YEW DARE TAWK ABART OWR BELOVID JAYNE GOODWIN LIKE WOT YEW JUST DUN TAWKED AND THAT!
SHEE WOZ A BOOTYFUL ANGLE SENT DARN FROM EAVEN TO SAYVE UZ AWL FROM SIN JUST LYKE WOT JEZUS WOZ!
EYE WENT TO ER FOONREL WIV MY SIX KIDZ AND WE AWL FLUNG OURSELVES UNDER THE ORSES OOVES OF ER FOONRAL CARRIDGE. WE WUZ GLAD TWO GIV OWR LYVES FOUR SUMONE AS BOOTYFUL AS ER.

GAWD LUV AND KEEP OWR WUNDERFUL ANGLE JAYNE AND ER FAFEFUL UBBY JAKE TWEENY!!!

Hermione Cutglass
Islington

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!
Chris James
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Chris James

Location: Mingehampton on the Why, UK
Registered: 29 Nov 09

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Posted: 27 Jan 12 06:44
Dear Spoof,

What the heck is a 'lie' hat?

Bladdy sathaners an' their cockney rhyming bollocks. It's beyond me.

-=Rumours of my death are completely accurate=-
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

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Posted: 27 Jan 12 17:51
Dear Spoof,

Some geeza as bin getin lemon wiv me old china Clive Danton. He is leper, you know, untouchable, when we take a ball down the frog, the local skirt go wild! In the rub, when avin a pigs of wollop, I as to watch his ruck in case they creep up behind him and grab his Jackson Polloks.

On the firm is Clive, bin round his drum for rosy and a nosebag, never once removed his tiffer, still, it takes all sorts to make a world. Anyway, leave him alone or the wilkos gwt freshly stropped.

Yours

Harry the Hatchet
HMP Parkinsol
Sleet
Hamps



You aint seen me.....right
Chris James
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Chris James

Location: Mingehampton on the Why, UK
Registered: 29 Nov 09

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Posted: 27 Jan 12 23:36
Dear Spoof,

One of my old spoofs has gone viral. I now have a quarter of all the points for the day.

Can I cash them in at Tesco?

Oh well. Suppose I shouldnt complain. Whod have thought Id have three thousand more points than Lady Sybilla? Exactly... me neither.

Normal service will commence almost immediately Im sure.

Thanks for all your messages of congratulations I havent recieved off anybody.

For the record, in almost ten thousand points there isnt a single five thumbs, which just goes to show.... lmfai ( true)


-=Rumours of my death are completely accurate=-
Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

Location: Out on a limb
Registered: 5 Sep 08

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Posted: 28 Jan 12 00:09
Dear Spoof

My fruit loop of a step-daughter (the one who hates me) is on the phone again driving the wife fucking mad.

Is there an app for shooting bullets or a big bastard flame out of the phone her end? Or napalm? Or a mad tyrannosurus Rex? An axe weilding maniac would be even better.

Hang on - I'll PM Iain B.

He might know.

Regards

Skoob.

RIP
Clive Danton
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Clive Danton

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Posted: 28 Jan 12 06:32 - Edited By: Clive Danton, 28 Jan 12 06:34
Dear Spoof

As a dyed in the wool, born and bred Eastender who does all his washing in the launderette, spends his entire life in the rub a dub and deals with his detractors by shaking them violently by the lapels it hasn't escaped my notice that Mr Armandhammer-Mildly-Acidic-Economy-Tooth-Whitener seems to be, like myself, no stranger to Bethnal Green and it's environs. I wonder therefore if he's ever considered taking a position as a cheeky, chirpy, loveable chimney sweep with smuts on his face and an appalling American Cockney accent who goes capering over rooftops singing tunelessly and generally acting the giddy arseole?

Or failing that a bloke that pulls other men's toenails out with red hot pliers.

Clivey Dee
The Roof

"Oh it's a jolly 'oliday wiv Mayweeeeee".....etc


PS Chris said "service" and Skoob said "end"

Just leave it. Let it go...IT'S OVER!

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