This forum does not allow guest posting. You must register to participate in this forum.

Messages ordered by earliest posts first
All times are GMT

Forum Home / General Discussion / Top Pick-Up Lines by Drunks at Bar


[This topic is LOCKED]

AuthorMessage
Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 22 Apr 11 16:13

Top Pick-Up Lines by Drunks at Bar:

"I'm headin' out to the car park to puke. Care to join me?"

"Shay, are you from Tennessee? You're tha only Ten Eye on me. I think I screwed that up."



Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
IainB
This user is offline Gentle with me
IainB

Location: (noun) a particular place
Registered: 7 Oct 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Website
Posted: 22 Apr 11 17:01
"I thnk I've drinked to much drunk, cos I'm revolving round you."

"Did a star fall from heaven cos it appears to have smashed into your face"

"Care to slip your ring onto my finger?"

"Oh my god, I mustn't have drunk enough yet, cos you're still ugly as sin!"

Funnily enough, none of those worked.

Iain

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Ellie James
This user is offline Moderator
Ellie James

Location: Texas
Registered: 8 Apr 11

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 22 Apr 11 18:17
Good thing I don't go to bars....with lines like these I'll be single forever.

Oh. They've encased him in Carbonite. He should be quite well protected. If he survived the freezing process, that is.
Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 22 Apr 11 18:22

Top Pick-Up Lines by Drunks at Bar:

"If you were one of my h-hemorrhoids, H-Honey, you'd be the first one I scratched."

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
Morse
This user is offline -- --- .-. ... .
Morse

Location: South Carolina, usa
Registered: 20 Jul 08

 Forum Profile
Posted: 22 Apr 11 20:58

....pard on me...but I think you're sitting on me hat...!



Whether you're rich or you're poor, it always pays to have money!
Morse
This user is offline -- --- .-. ... .
Morse

Location: South Carolina, usa
Registered: 20 Jul 08

 Forum Profile
Posted: 22 Apr 11 21:00


...I'd luv to....got change for a fiver?

Whether you're rich or you're poor, it always pays to have money!
Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 22 Apr 11 22:10
Top Pick-Up Lines by Drunks at Bar:

"You must be a maggot because I'm drawn to you! Did I say magnet? I meant maggot!..........(Whoommpp!).....shumbody call 911!"

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
victor nicholas
This user is offline Doc
victor nicholas

Location: Suwanee River
Registered: 20 Apr 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 23 Apr 11 01:29 - Edited By: victor nicholas, 23 Apr 11 01:38
Woman on a date

"Would you like a menage a trois?"

Man

"No, I think I am having the fillet mignon."

"Vottznewpuzzykatt?"
IainB
This user is offline Gentle with me
IainB

Location: (noun) a particular place
Registered: 7 Oct 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Website
Posted: 23 Apr 11 11:18
I love fat women, it's like making love to a sofa. Wanna lounge with me?

I love skinny women, once we've shagged like rabbits, could you hold onto this mop head while I clean the floor?

I love redheads, it's like making love to the sun. That's THE sun, not my son, that would be so wrong.

I love blondes, which must make me a gentleman. Want to see how gentle I can be?

I love brunettes, my wife's a brunette, so she won't be suspicious if she finds one of your hairs in our bed.

I make love like a rabbit, I smell of carrots.

I don't believe your breasts are real - can I weigh them?

My chat up lines suck, give me one that works, so I can use it on you.

I'm looking for a good rhyme for Duck Fly Sick. Known any?

I'm a virgin at tennis - I've still not made Love yet.

Iain

If 42 is the answer, the question is if 24 looks in the mirror, who does she see?
Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 23 Apr 11 12:51 - Edited By: Bureau, 23 Apr 11 12:53
Top Pick-Up Lines by Drunks at Bar:


"Say, you remind me of that beautiful sexy long-legged magician's assistant I saw last week at the .....Pock! Pock, Pock,Pock! Pock, pock, pock, pock-pock-ock!!"

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
Morse
This user is offline -- --- .-. ... .
Morse

Location: South Carolina, usa
Registered: 20 Jul 08

 Forum Profile
Posted: 23 Apr 11 21:17


.....hey luv,let me help you pull those knickers up....mind the curb!

Whether you're rich or you're poor, it always pays to have money!
Inhopeless
This user is offline Writer
Inhopeless

Location: Birmingham Urbem, Eng.
Registered: 5 Nov 10

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Website
Posted: 23 Apr 11 21:46
You're pretty, and you deserve to go to the ball! Well, mine, and plural.

"Sometimes the best intentions end up intense without means to quell it.
We've poisoned our blood streams and blackened our lungs. We've enabled the edifice that it's how we belong.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone."

Boys Night Out - "Hey, Thanks!"
Inhopeless
This user is offline Writer
Inhopeless

Location: Birmingham Urbem, Eng.
Registered: 5 Nov 10

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
 Website
Posted: 23 Apr 11 21:48
I'm like a rock band, honey. I'm loud, hard, and punk in drublic.

"Sometimes the best intentions end up intense without means to quell it.
We've poisoned our blood streams and blackened our lungs. We've enabled the edifice that it's how we belong.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone."

Boys Night Out - "Hey, Thanks!"
Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 24 Apr 11 12:58
Top Pick-Up Lines by Drunks at Bars:

"Pardon me, but haft you seen my movie, "An Incontinental Tooth?"

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
Morse
This user is offline -- --- .-. ... .
Morse

Location: South Carolina, usa
Registered: 20 Jul 08

 Forum Profile
Posted: 25 Apr 11 11:04
Overheard at the Oasis:

...nice day for a spirited drive in the country, innit?

...step out side , help pull the top down and I'll give you a short spin on me Mini.....



Whether you're rich or you're poor, it always pays to have money!
Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 25 Apr 11 16:25

Top Pick-Up Lines by Drunks at Bars:

"I may be drunk...but IF you were MY wife...Oh, hee hee hee. I'm sorry Hon. I wath just joking.....OW!"

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
Lynton
This user is offline Writer
Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

 Forum Profile
Posted: 25 Apr 11 18:30
If you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?

Watching paint dry
Reddon
This user is offline AKA Skoob1999
Reddon

Location: England
Registered: 10 Jan 11

 Forum Profile
Posted: 25 Apr 11 18:42
Do you sleep on your belly? Do you mind if I do?

I've started so I'll finish.
Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 25 Apr 11 23:40

"Say Sweaty..Sweety. That had to be the loudest fart I ever heard in here. If it was a wet one, let's go over to my place where you can change."

"If I said you had a plentiful body would you hold it against me? I mean beautiful! Beautiful! Get Off Me! Get Off Me! i can't breathe."

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
Reddon
This user is offline AKA Skoob1999
Reddon

Location: England
Registered: 10 Jan 11

 Forum Profile
Posted: 26 Apr 11 01:27
You've been spying on me....

You bugger!

I've started so I'll finish.
Reddon
This user is offline AKA Skoob1999
Reddon

Location: England
Registered: 10 Jan 11

 Forum Profile
Posted: 26 Apr 11 01:28
Her: I'm on me menstrual cycle...

Me: Never mind... Me bike's outside...

I've started so I'll finish.
Morse
This user is offline -- --- .-. ... .
Morse

Location: South Carolina, usa
Registered: 20 Jul 08

 Forum Profile
Posted: 28 Apr 11 21:09

Quote: Reddon

Her: I'm on me menstrual cycle...

Me: Never mind... Me bike's outside...


....and yer makin' me thumb swell....



Whether you're rich or you're poor, it always pays to have money!
Morse
This user is offline -- --- .-. ... .
Morse

Location: South Carolina, usa
Registered: 20 Jul 08

 Forum Profile
Posted: 28 Apr 11 21:12


Bureau:

Hey Honey...wanna ride a whirlwind...meet me in Kentucky
Friday night!

Whether you're rich or you're poor, it always pays to have money!
Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 29 Apr 11 02:01 - Edited By: Bureau, 29 Apr 11 02:04
Don't mention "whirlwinds" to me Morse.

Did you see where one of the tornadoes picked up three people in a car, kept them in the air for 15 seconds and landed it in a parking lot? Or was that what you were referring to?

They had to crawl out the windowless sunroof but were OK.

Pick-Up Lines: "Say there Sweetie, wanna see that snake that escaped from the Bronx Zoo?"

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
Sidney Bollocks
This user is offline Writer
Sidney Bollocks

Location: Brisbane, Australia
Registered: 6 Sep 10

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 30 Apr 11 10:31
An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, " Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, " I just got this state-of-the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, " A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

The Aussie explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically ."

The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers ."

The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers! "

The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says,"Bloody thing's an hour fast!"



 
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Forum permissions

You are not logged in.

  • You cannot create new topics in this forum
  • You cannot post new messages in this forum
  • You cannot add polls
  • You cannot link to external images in this forum
  • You cannot upload images in this forum
  • You cannot upload files in this forum

Who is online?

There are 2 registered users currently online: 2 are active , none are currently inactive .

Users online:


Profile Featured Writer

IainB
IainB
Joined: 07 October 2008
Stories Written: 1,523
76 readers are online right now!

Go to top