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Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 18:57
On my Scottish holiday to see the Scottish Lakes last year I must have upset them with all my drunken carousing.

When I went back this year, I couldn't for the life of me get to the same places.

They'd changed the lochs.

SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVEL
Mark
This user is offline Spoofer-in-Chief
Mark

Location: Lancaster, England
Registered: 8 Apr 03

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 19:06
*Groan*

I love it

Spoofing all over the world
Inhopeless
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Inhopeless

Location: Birmingham Urbem, Eng.
Registered: 5 Nov 10

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 20:23
Ha-ha. Very punny.

Here's my joke.

So there you are, You're in a public place, and you want to fart. Badly. Luckily for you, you hear your favourite song blasting really loudly. Hoping no-one will notice over the loud music, you fart in time - and tune - to the music.

When the song ends, you open your eyes to see angry people staring at you.

You realise that you are on the train, and the music was coming from your headphones.

"Sometimes the best intentions end up intense without means to quell it.
We've poisoned our blood streams and blackened our lungs. We've enabled the edifice that it's how we belong.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone.
We may suffer together, but we all die alone."

Boys Night Out - "Hey, Thanks!"
Lady Godiva
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Location: Canada and The Spoof
Registered: 22 Feb 10

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 20:31
Hilarious the pair of them. I'm literally 'choking' here.

LOL

LG

armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 20:37
Lawyer walks into the doctors with a large growth on his head.
The doctor says; "My God! that is awful!"
The growth replies; "I know, it started off as a scratch on me arse!"

You aint seen me.....right
Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 20:50
I went to the doctor with a bad chest.

He examined my chest.

He said "why did you bring that here? You need an antique furniture restorer."

I said "I'm on my way there. I stopped off on the way and came to you because I'm so depressed. My life seems as flat as an old black and white photograph."

He said "you need to snap out of it."

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birbee
This user is offline Yorkshire Kid
birbee

Location: gone....................
Registered: 17 Jan 09

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 21:11
A dyslexic has just moved in next door to me.

He's from Barnsley and wears a Cat Flap.............

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts,
And I looked and behold: a pale horse.
And his name, that sat on him, was Death.
And Hell followed with him........
Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 21:20
I did a gig in a Zen Temple once.

That's a tough audience. Did you ever hear the sound of one hand clapping?

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Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 21:22 - Edited By: Erskin Quint, 6 Apr 11 21:22
The road works around that temple were particularly confusing.

Koans everywhere.

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Lynton
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Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

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Posted: 6 Apr 11 23:47
and what about the Yak fat - I couldn't believe it wasn't buddha! Aye reet good 'un that.

Watching paint dry
Philbert of Macadamia
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Philbert of Macadamia

Location: Pizmo Beach, Pennsyltucky
Registered: 20 May 08

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Posted: 7 Apr 11 00:19
No more lochs on a bagel either!




Quote: Erskin Quint

On my Scottish holiday to see the Scottish Lakes last year I must have upset them with all my drunken carousing.

When I went back this year, I couldn't for the life of me get to the same places.

They'd changed the lochs.


There is intelligent life in outer space!
Then why do the UFO's not land on the Earth?
As I said, there is intelligent life in outer space!
armfeetandtoe
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armfeetandtoe

Location: West Sussex
Registered: 11 Jun 10

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Posted: 7 Apr 11 10:25
Bloke goes up to a fishmonger with a Salmon under his arm.
"Do you sell fish cakes mate?"
"No"
"Thats a shame"
"Why?"
"Its his birthday today!"




Love as always

Arm xxxxxx

You aint seen me.....right
Jaggedone
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Jaggedone

Location: Back under the bridge!
Registered: 8 Apr 09

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Posted: 8 Apr 11 16:58
Scotland is a wonderful country, shame about the people!

Monkey nutter...
Katarina Frogpond2
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Katarina Frogpond2

Registered: 5 Oct 09

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Posted: 8 Apr 11 17:16
Its sunny here today. I'm in shock. I haven't seen the sun for two years.

Jaggedone
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Jaggedone

Location: Back under the bridge!
Registered: 8 Apr 09

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Posted: 8 Apr 11 17:33
KF, open up a shrine, sunshine in Scotland that's a f+++++g miracle!!!!!


Quote: Katarina Frogpond2

Its sunny here today. I'm in shock. I haven't seen the sun for two years.


Monkey nutter...
Erskin Quint
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Erskin Quint

Registered: 15 Oct 07

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Posted: 8 Apr 11 18:50
What does a Zen cow say?

"Mu"!

Every one a gem.

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