This forum does not allow guest posting. You must register to participate in this forum.

Messages ordered by earliest posts first
All times are GMT

Forum Home / General Discussion / People's Questions When Calling "The Butterball Hotline" About Their Turkey


[This topic is LOCKED]

AuthorMessage
Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 13:52 - Edited By: Bureau, 21 Jan 11 13:53
"The Butterball Turkey Hotline:


"Guess what I'm buttering right now?"

"This thing is on fire! What do I...never mind, the fire truck is here."

"I've look EVERYWHERE and there's no ball of butter in this ******* turkey!"

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
Lady Godiva
This user is offline Banned


Location: Canada and The Spoof
Registered: 22 Feb 10

 Forum Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 14:01
Hi, I've got my hand stuck up the frozen turkey. How long until it thaws?

LG

Morse
This user is offline -- --- .-. ... .
Morse

Location: South Carolina, usa
Registered: 20 Jul 08

 Forum Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 14:10 - Edited By: Morse, 21 Jan 11 14:11
It won't fit in the Toaster Oven...what do I do now?

What's that paper bag filled with guts that just burned up inside the bird ?

When I saw it lying on the counter with it's legs trussed up I couldn't help
myself...should I have used a condom?

I paid for the whole bird, where are the feathers and the rest of it?

I tried to serve it, but the damn thing was frozen stiff...what a rip off, eh?

What gives? I think it wound up in the wrong processing plant, mine tasted like salami, baloney & capicola!

Whether you're rich or you're poor, it always pays to have money!
Ellis Ian Fields
This user is offline Writer
Ellis Ian Fields

Location: Dunno - it's so very dark
Registered: 9 Dec 09

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 14:29
Love that episode in the West Wing when Bartlet says "There should be a phone line where people can call with questions" and Charlie tells him there is one already, the Butterball Hotline...

No-one speaks English and everything's broken.
Lynton
This user is offline Writer
Lynton

Location: Paris
Registered: 14 Oct 09

 Forum Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 14:30
Hey does this thing not have any balls?

I think mine's got Jane Fonda's neck but at least it's got oprahs ass

Watching paint dry
Lady Godiva
This user is offline Banned


Location: Canada and The Spoof
Registered: 22 Feb 10

 Forum Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 17:01
"Hi, I'm suing you for false advertising. I used my Butterball for bowling last night and it kept going in the gutter. It ISN'T ROUND ."

"You should add to the Cooking Instruction REMOVE OUTER PLASTIC BEFORE INSERTING INTO OVEN.

"Hi, was it one of your turkeys Mr. Bean used in his t.v. show and movie?"

LG

Bureau
This user is offline Snippet Zoner
Bureau

Registered: 6 Sep 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 18:32

"Tell me how to butter my turkey but tell me reallllll slowwwwww!"

"Take your burnt black butterball and STUFF IT!!"

"Should I have thawed it completely before I made a sandwich? I don't feel so good. Bllleeeettthhhhh!!!"

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me;
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me, What a long, strange trip it's been.
Philbert of Macadamia
This user is offline Historical nutcase
Philbert of Macadamia

Location: Pizmo Beach, Pennsyltucky
Registered: 20 May 08

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 19:19
How do I tell if the turkey is a tom or a hen, as we don't indulge in same sex eating?

There is intelligent life in outer space!
Then why do the UFO's not land on the Earth?
As I said, there is intelligent life in outer space!
Morse
This user is offline -- --- .-. ... .
Morse

Location: South Carolina, usa
Registered: 20 Jul 08

 Forum Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 20:54

Quote: Philbert of Macadamia

How do I tell if the turkey is a tom or a hen, as we don't indulge in same sex eating?


...check for stubble under their wings....

Whether you're rich or you're poor, it always pays to have money!
Abel Rodriguez
This user is offline Ready and Abel
Abel Rodriguez

Location: USA
Registered: 7 Jul 04

 Forum Profile
 Writer's Profile
Posted: 21 Jan 11 21:42
The Butterball Turkey Hotline:

"Hello, Butterball Turkey Hotline. I caught Grandpa Peckerwood, who turned 101 on Wednesday a week ago 'patting down' our Butterball Turkey.

Now I don't wanna upset the family members but I need to return the sucker. And don't give me no shit about how cooking it will kill all of the friggin germs, cause we ain't effen going there ya hear?"



 
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

Go to top

Forum permissions

You are not logged in.

  • You cannot create new topics in this forum
  • You cannot post new messages in this forum
  • You cannot add polls
  • You cannot link to external images in this forum
  • You cannot upload images in this forum
  • You cannot upload files in this forum

Who is online?

There are 2 registered users currently online: none are active , 2 are currently inactive .

Users online:


Profile Featured Writer

Jack Van Gump
Jack Van Gump
Joined: 21 May 2004
Stories Written: 9

Go to top ^