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Lynton Location: Paris Registered: 14 Oct 09 |
Of course George Clooney is doing well lending his name to the Sudanes voting vigilance schem but was has he to lose he can go home afterwards and anyway the only winners are the chinese. Bastards all of them but I do like their food specially those crispy noodles things
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| Watching paint dry | |||
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Erskin Quint Registered: 15 Oct 07 |
Talking about home improvements, I recently bought a Sierpinski carpet. Beautiful thing, but a bugger to clean.
I should have suspected something when, after I asked what size it was, the woman in the shop said "Its Hausdorff dimension is log 8/log 3 approx. 1.8928." But I was seduced by (a) the unique beauty of the carpet and (b) the willowy charms of the shop assistant. I mean, the area of these carpets is supposed to be zero, for Heaven's sake. I thought "that'll take no cleaning at all", but then I read the back of the label and it said something about the Lebesgue measure, and the alarm bells started to peal. And, to make matters worse, I learned that evening at the pub that Barlow and Bass have shown that a random walk on the Sierpinski carpet "diffuses at a slower rate than an unrestricted random walk in the plane". Well! I said, "no wonder I was late getting out tonight", and they laughed. You live and learn. I don't think I'll bother buying that Menger Sponge for the bathroom now. Older & Wiser, Pontefract(al) |
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| SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVEL | |||
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Charpa93 Registered: 17 Jul 09 |
Speaking of the Chinese, the old DeSotos were really well built and platinum seems to outsell gold in the commodities markets from time to time, especially during the monsoons.
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John Peurach Location: Los Angeles Registered: 17 Mar 10 |
To be, or, wait.....what was the question? Oh yeah.....either Glenda Jackson in "Women In Love" or Liv Ullmann in "The Passion of Anna." Or, what the hell, let's call it even and, as usual, go with Francoise Fabian in "My Night At Maud's."
j/p. |
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| At one time we were all old enough to know, yet still young enough not to know any better. Thank God (or, whoever is screening his/her calls these days) some of us can somehow pretend that to be, more or less, still the case. | |||
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armfeetandtoe Location: West Sussex Registered: 11 Jun 10 |
I think John has throkum the wordimuse folly got and thrum or nelly the what rokus goodly yeldiho of film.
Deep joyus of the cranium, he menshiho Glendabloke a faverous womany actorthesp in Hollyhowoodlice. Thankybol John. Arm xxx |
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| You aint seen me.....right | |||
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Philbert of Macadamia Location: Pizmo Beach, Pennsyltucky Registered: 20 May 08 |
A bio-diversity group has asked the South Korean government for $1 billon to save the endangered polka dot cockroach found in Pyongyang North Korea.
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| There is intelligent life in outer space! Then why do the UFO's not land on the Earth? As I said, there is intelligent life in outer space! | |||
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rfreed Location: Fairbanks, Alaska Registered: 10 Oct 08 |
--------------------------------------------- THAT'S NOT MEANINGLESS- THATS SERIOUS SH*T! The town I grew up in had lead piping to all the houses. The lead affects the mind. Just look at some of the stuff I've written! |
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Charpa93 Registered: 17 Jul 09 |
Where have you been Freed? Skiing on your one good foot? --Sorry for the commercial interruption everyone. I had a need to know.-- Now, back to our show. |
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Aubergine Underwood Location: One Toke Over the Line Registered: 24 Feb 10 |
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| Wild Haggis Couldn't Drag Me Away! | |||
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rfreed Location: Fairbanks, Alaska Registered: 10 Oct 08 |
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Amethyst Ryder Location: Wherever I go, there I am. Registered: 22 Feb 10 |
I question whether I can really be considered sane when I continue to live in a state which has seventeen-below* windchills.
*That's -17 Fahrenheit, of course. |
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Lynton Location: Paris Registered: 14 Oct 09 |
Having the lot changed don't ask the cost - selling the lead won't pay for it unfortunately
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| Watching paint dry | |||
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Erskin Quint Registered: 15 Oct 07 |
Does anyone know about, or is able to research on our behalf, or is at all aware of the possible existence or a person or persons or people unknown (or known but just not to me) who might be able to assist, possibly?
What is it? Well. What it is, is. Yes, it is. It certainly is, we can establish with certainty. What it is, then, is this. Yes, this it is. It is that. No, I said it is this, not that. But surely... No. Let us take stock, for we stray from the safe bypaths of sane discourse, and career, as it were headlong, towards the thickets of ludicrous non-sequitur. And that, in the present context, would, as they might say in the Church of St George near Lalibela, Ethiopia, "simply not do". So then, let us stand firm. What is it is. No, I mean, what it is, is. Yes. What it is, is, this - is anyone aware of the urban legend concerning equestrian statues, specifically mounted statues? I mean, the code wherein one raised hoof means the rider was wounded, two means he was killed in the battle, three means the horse is about to fall over, &c. Well? Any ideas? Herr Fettlokke, Moenchen |
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| SERIOUS ABOUT DRIVEL | |||
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victor nicholas Location: Suwanee River Registered: 20 Apr 08 |
Here's three more ... now you can have a hockey game.
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| "Vottznewpuzzykatt?" | |||
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victor nicholas Location: Suwanee River Registered: 20 Apr 08 |
My wife whispers this in my ear from time to time when I'm reading the newspaper, I have no idea what she is talking about.
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| "Vottznewpuzzykatt?" | |||
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Charpa93 Registered: 17 Jul 09 |
Are you pickin' on me Doc? |
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victor nicholas Location: Suwanee River Registered: 20 Apr 08 |
What, commodities are down yet coal is up, it's those floods in Australia, water does go downhill you know, hardly a wonder it ended up down there, can't count on the equator to hold things back anymore I suppose they will just have to keep raising it higher and higher.
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| "Vottznewpuzzykatt?" | |||
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Charpa93 Registered: 17 Jul 09 |
Floods, hell, it's the reversal of the poles. Now if it were the reversal of the czechs, I'd understand it being a good reason, even the turks, but the poles? Geez, what next? Wind power?
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Lynton Location: Paris Registered: 14 Oct 09 |
Of all the things one might want as a pet, a lampshade takes the biscuit. Yet, there are those who find a lampshade to be ideal company after a hard day at the office. Personally I reckon they must be completely bonkers when they could have a cornflakes packet or a piece of wallpaper or some bellybutton fluff. But there you, are there's no accounting for taste. I heard that Paris Hilton even has a pet yoghurt pot that she finds an ideal conversation partner during those long days doing community service.
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| Watching paint dry | |||
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Amethyst Ryder Location: Wherever I go, there I am. Registered: 22 Feb 10 |
Four out of five dolphins surveyed said that they are not tuna. The other twenty percent are merely confused.
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Charpa93 Registered: 17 Jul 09 |
ha ha very funny... I told you it was a stray. I'm always bringing strays home. |
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John Peurach Location: Los Angeles Registered: 17 Mar 10 |
Mr. Esq., I Presume
What say we let it be known that you and she, the dead woman in the park, you and her were old school chums, ok? From some eastern school. It doesn't matter which. And, let's just say she owed you some money from way back, or whatever. And....years ago she also made you take one of those personality tests, the kind that religious cults like to use, ok? So far, so good? Good. And then, along with some obscure, semi-well respected music producer, who's also now dead, she took you on some sort of highly questionable would-be faith-based retreat in, let's say northern New Hampshire, where they made you eat all the right kind of wrong foods, and then, forced you to join in on sign-alongs. And well, you've never been the same since. How's that? "Well....." And what happened then was....a little while after that, during an otherwise atypical spring break, she, the now dead woman in the park, she left you stranded at a.....a....motel, that's right, a motel in....Woonsocket, Rhode Island, and somehow she took all your money. Or, whatever your rightfully concerned parents could, at the time, afford to send you, so she could.... without your approval, or unsolicited permission, run back up to Boston to get......an abortion. Which, as it turned out, would have been your son, eventually. Providing, of course, you....and she, weren't so reckless. Mostly because of her. And who, the son that is, that never was, you would have named George, to honor an uncle, or the fill-in-the-blank inspirational teacher and/or member of the clergy of your choice, from your past, had you only had a choice, or the chance of a choice, in the first place that is, was, and now forever shall be, the only once upon a time past you've ever been allowed to really know, call your own, or unwillingly have chosen for you. "Or the chance of a.....choice?" Sure, why not? There's a first time for anything. And besides, who knows, this would have, could have been son of yours someday might have even grown up to be president of.....of AOL, the NRA, the NBA, or hell, even the MPAA, or say, if you aren't going to write any of this down then, what I mean is, I got this business associate of mine who lives in, well, almost Beverly Hills, and, as far as I know, he's always looking for a few good ideas. And, I'm no expert, that's for sure, but even I know pay-per-view material when I'm about to step in it. So, just keep talking and I'll take down what I can. So, where were we? You, the guy, a girl, the dead one, some cute kid named George, a couple of fancy cults to be named later. Where was it you all met, Lake Winnipesaukee?? "I guess, yeah.....right." Great. Well, just keep going then, and don't worry, I'll let you know when it's time to stop. -j/p (so to speak). |
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| At one time we were all old enough to know, yet still young enough not to know any better. Thank God (or, whoever is screening his/her calls these days) some of us can somehow pretend that to be, more or less, still the case. | |||
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Charpa93 Registered: 17 Jul 09 |
I think that the whole thing is debatable.
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victor nicholas Location: Suwanee River Registered: 20 Apr 08 |
I would like to argue that point.
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| "Vottznewpuzzykatt?" | |||
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Jaggedone Location: Back under the bridge! Registered: 8 Apr 09 |
I would like to debate the fact that this thread is non-debatable.
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| Monkey nutter... | |||
| 4 Pages - « 1 [2] 3 4 » |
Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.
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