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The San Francisco Onion
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The San Francisco Onion

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Posted: 30 Jun 09 19:41 - Edited By: The San Francisco Onion, 30 Jun 09 19:56
To whom it may concern:

A few nights ago, I returned home from work at about forty-five minutes after midnight. I saw on my Google page CNN update that both Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett had died.

No one has anything to say about the Farrah Fawcett story, so I'll leave that one alone.

The Michael Jackson story is different. I knew perfectly well that, by the morning, everyone was going to have a Jackson story, or 2, or 10. Having been using the site for a while, I could pretty much predict what sorts of stories might be posted, but I wanted something big.

I remember when Elvis died in 1977. Rumours he had faked death and gone into hiding were rampant. I also believed that many people, perhaps even hundreds of thousands, might be willing to believe that the eccentric, drug-addicted King of Pop could pull off something like this, just like they believed the also rather eccentric, drug-addicted King of Rock and Roll did.

I hoped that, by doing a story about a death hoax with proper tags, I could tap into this suspicious, conspiracy-theory oriented demographic, drawing viewers to the site that were doing keyword searches elsewhere on the Internet. Though I believe the Jeff Goldblum hoax kept me from going truly viral, I did achieve my objectives in large part, racking up more views for this story than any I've published so far.

But the funny thing is, never at any time during the decision making process or the writing process did QueenMudder or her Jackson hoax story cross my mind, or my line of sight.

In fact, just so everyone knows, I came here to write, not to read. I'm not the least bit interested in tabloid journalism, and only publish the stuff to remain competitive and keep my serious satire from being inundated under the deluge of tabloid fodder that is thespoof.com. So, the idea that I'm merely stealing everyone's ideas without being creative is so preposterous to me that I can't even believe it has even been suggested.

That being said, just because I wrote a ridiculous story spoofing a couple of characters mentioned briefly in the title of another story DOES NOT MAKE ME A PLAGIARIST. Nobody has a copyright on characters in a fake news story. "Man With World's Largest Penis and Woman With World's Largest Vagina Axed by TV Channel," as explained in my spoof, was getting on my nerves because it kept coming back to the "top stories" box. That's obviously what people want to read, so I will continue to publish penis/vagina stories until I am even more sick of them than I already am, and it's your own fault because the rest of you have set the agenda at this site, making it impossible to even be noticed without stupid stories like these.

Furthermore, I exclusively dog BuckwheatsButt because I keep catching him in the middle of the night (San Francisco time) giving my stories 1 star without even reading them. That sucks. That's just jealousy. Or maybe HE thinks I'm a plagiarist, too, so he's playing vigilante, paying back a perceived disservice.

Let me make something perfectly clear to all of you. Every time I think I have an idea good enough for an invention (4 times), somebody has already thought of it. There are nearly 7,000,000,000 people in the world, and even if any of you believe yourselves to have had an original idea, somebody, somewhere has probably already had almost exactly the same idea. So, all of you can just keep thinking you're geniuses and I'm just some hack that lacks creativity, and I'll just keep putting my English degree to use, publishing work that's as original and well-edited as possible, barely noticing the work of other writers, except in the rare instance something is funny enough to catch my eye.

Though it may take a while, thanks to a certain clique playing the part of rumour mill, integrity will prevail, so false accusers may eat sh*t!

Everyone else, have a nice day!!

P.S. And MY NAME IS NOT GINGER STEELE. Remember cwthomson? That's me, a few months ago when I didn't use to write tabloid fodder and almost nobody read my stuff.

.

Done, but with errors on page.
Jalapenoman
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Posted: 30 Jun 09 19:59
Onion,

I don't know where this temper tantrum is coming from, but please settle down.

We all know that there are simultaneous postings. On the day that Britney Spears shaved her head, QM and I both posted stories that it was due to head lice. These stories were actually picked up and run as actual news story all over Europe (QM sought legal action on that one as they quoted directly from her story without attribution).

Another time, two of us posted stories about Saddam's noose being up for sale on e-bay on the day he was hung. THe stories were posted within ten minutes of each other. There was no way we could have seen each other's stories.

Unless you quote directly from someone's stories, or sequel one of their stories without asking first, it generally does not fall under the idea of plagairism.

I know that there are over 100 stories on here about MJ, and we have all mined that one to death. I personally did not write a story I had thought of on the topic because another writer had almost exactly the same idea (Elton John reworking the words to Candle in the Wind again).

Anyway, please settle down and describe who has accused you of what. If you can, post links to their story and your story and let your fellow writers see the arguement.

Thanks,
J-man

Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.
The San Francisco Onion
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Posted: 30 Jun 09 20:15
J-man,

You're correct in calling it a temper tantrum. I'm a little peeved.

I wrote a spoof about BuckwheatsButt because I felt he deserved a lampooning for his incessant 1-star activity on my stories.

He wrote a couple about me, and one of them accused me of using other writers material. No big deal. It's a spoof. I laughed.

But I just realized today I have several comments on my story Michael Jackson Fakes Death, Goes Into Hiding, which almost never happens, so I was excited to see what the buzz might be about.

I discovered the "buzz" is that QueenMudder, Skoob1999 and BuckwheatsButt believe I am stealing their ideas, (which is utter rubbish), and now my ratings are taking a pounding because they've singled me out.

The rating aren't the problem. If someone thinks my title is funny enough to click on, I think that gives a first impression good enough they won't be influenced by that rating at the top of the page.

The problem is, I don't appreciate being falsely accused, nor do I appreciate the repercussions stemming from it. I'd never even read QueenMudder's piece until an hour ago when I found out about all this.

I'll get over it, though. I'm just venting. As I have already stated, I believe integrity and consistent writing will ultimately prevail.

Nevertheless, thank you for your concern.

Done, but with errors on page.
The San Francisco Onion
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Posted: 30 Jun 09 20:22 - Edited By: The San Francisco Onion, 30 Jun 09 20:32
J-man,

Actually, you mentioned something in your posting below that concerns me. I occasionally use real quotes from real people and short passages from real news stories.

I always put them in quotation marks to set them off, attributing them to who said them, but in the case of passage snippets (from CNN or the San Francisco Chronicle, for example), are quotation marks and a mention of the source enough, or do I actually need to be using footnotes even though this is a Spoof and Satire site that has a disclaimer at the bottom of the page?

Also, I am not the most computer literate person in the world. I'm sort of a rebel against technology; I used to write on a mechanical typewriter with a return bar until recently, and I'm not the most computer savvy person in the world. In fact, I'm only really just getting around the site for the first time today, thanks to all this nonsense about stealing ideas. Long story short, though I type about 60 words per minute, and though I appreciate your suggestion about "posting links" to let people judge for themselves, but I have no idea how to do so.

If you could do that for me, cool. If you're too busy, don't sweat it - I don't remember the name of her story now anyway, but it's also about a Jackson death hoax. But it's not that big a deal. Like I said, I'll cool off. In fact, I'm pretty much over those guys anyway.

Done, but with errors on page.
Skoob1999
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Posted: 30 Jun 09 20:28
Hold on!

I've never accused you of anything!

And I've never one starred any of your stories either. Personally, the ones I've read have been good.

Do like J-Man suggests and calm down a bit.

Best Regards

Skoob.

RIP
The San Francisco Onion
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Posted: 30 Jun 09 20:47
Thank you, Skoob.

I've never seen you give me a one-star rating personally. I lumped you with the other two because of the comments on my Jackson story.

I appreciate the feedback.

Just so you know, remember when I mentioned the fact that I rarely read other people's stuff unless it grabs my attention with a good headline? When I click on clever (not just sensational) stories that I want to read, yours is one of only a handful of names I see regularly!!

Keep up the good work, and again, thanks for the reply.


Done, but with errors on page.
BuckwheatsButt
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Posted: 30 Jun 09 21:08 - Edited By: BuckwheatsButt, 30 Jun 09 21:18
I think CWThomson, or Ginger Steele, or Garlic Press, or San Francisco Onion is making a big stink over nothing! Let your ego air out, huh!

BTW. For all the above 5 stars!

Skoob1999
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Posted: 30 Jun 09 21:23
5 stars to everybody!

I was doing something then, but I've completely forgotten what it was...

Is that you Dorothy? Dorothy?

Regards

Skoob.

(Please excuse the author of this, he's in one of his silly moods - The Management)

RIP
Jalapenoman
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Posted: 30 Jun 09 21:46
Onion,

If I have time later, I'll try to look up the stories and post link (I'm at work right now).

As far as attributing, it is always better to err on the side of caution. I also almost never quote directly from published material, unless it is to quote a person directly for the sake of lampoon (example: I once quoted Obama exactly when he said that the U.S. had 57 states). I also try to give the source.

If Skoob writes a story and I enjoy it and want to write a sequel, I'll e-mail him and ask him (or just bring his story into the writers forum and ask there). Then, in the story, I'll make some kind of comment that directs the source back to him.

I've asked Buckwheatsbutt a couple of times and have borrowed his "man with the world's largest penis" character twice. He's never had a problem as I asked. A year ago, a writer wrote about the discovery of feces attributed to Jesus (The Holy Shit). I wrote a sequel on that with permission. I've also given several writers permission to sequel my stuff. Just try to be polite and work with each other.

As far as the one star stuff goes...all of my Michael Jackson stuff is getting one starred to death by all of the little fanboys out there (I guess their butts miss him).

Well, I'd better get back to work now. I'll check back on this tonight and see if I can find the stories that are causing the problems.



Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.
Skoob1999
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Posted: 30 Jun 09 22:15
If you don't get five stars for a story, or a one star protest vote, it shouldn't really matter that much. I have loads of stories with no stars at all, but they tend to be in-jokes shared between family and friends.

As long as you're having fun concocting and writing the stories, that's what really counts.

5* to me for that one.

In fact 5* all round!

Regards,

Skoob.

RIP
Jalapenoman
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 00:04
Okay, Here are the two stories:

Queen Mudder's Story


San Francisco Onion's Story

Both stories were posted on the 25th of June (at least by my time zone).

It looks like SFO's story was approved 9 stories after QM's (and I don't know if Mark approves them in the order that he receives them).

Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.
Skoob1999
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 00:29
I liked both of them.

Now then...I was supposed to be starting something...or something...

PS

I liked J-Mans Jackson Family To Sue NBC etc story.

I once explained this. This is how I work.

If I read a story, I'll usually rate it. If I read a story that has been five starred, and don't think it's that good, rather than rating it and pulling the star count down, I'll just move on without rating.

If I read a one star story that I think warrants more, then I'll give it more. I understand how difficult it is to be creative and try to keep things fresh, so I've rarely come down hard on a fellow author. (With one exception) It can be restricting to limit stories to a news format, but there is also the magazine section. I love the site, and the writers come across as genuinely nice people. Once transgressed the protocol myself, but I was pretty new to the site back then. Apologies and retractions were made and equilibrium restored. Now I know what kind of stories I can and cannot get away with. I know when to drop in an acknowledgement.

To SFO : Just enjoy the site.

Best Regards

Skoob.

RIP
The San Francisco Onion
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 00:44 - Edited By: The San Francisco Onion, 1 Jul 09 00:50
J-man,

Thanks for the info - I didn't realize the man with the world's largest penis and the woman with the world's largest vagina had featured in anything besides that one line where they supposedly got axed by a TV channel.



BuckwheatsButt,

My apologies.

As I've already stated, I didn't come here with the intention of stealing ideas. I came here to write.



QueenMudder,

Though your story was submitted for approval 9 stories before mine, I hope you have enough sense to realize that this number indicates we were probably both working on those stories at the same time, unaware of each other's activity.

Actually, I may have still been working furiously to beat everyone to the Charlie's Angel angle first (almost no one read that one).



Skoob,

Consistent source of positivity today.

Five stars for you, my friend! In fact, five stars all around! Huzzah!!*


* Portions of this comment paraphrased from a comment made by skoob1999.

Done, but with errors on page.
BuckwheatsButt
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 00:50
apology accepted!

Buck

PS...Please remove that damn gerbil from my ass!

The San Francisco Onion
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 00:51
... I'm not touchin' that thing. Get it out yourself!

Done, but with errors on page.
BuckwheatsButt
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 00:53
Anyone have some gerbil food?

Skoob1999
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 01:05
To SFO

It was actually me that wrote 'Man With World's Largest Penis And Woman With World's Largest Vagina Axed By TV Channel' back in January, the 5th I do believe.

I don't know if you've ever read the story or not, but it was taking a pop at people who get on the internet and run searches for stuff like that.

It was BuckwheatsButt who gave me the inspiration for the story. He's a clever guy. I never acknowledged him so he wrote a story along the lines of: 'Woman Has Skoob Surgically Removed' in which he described me as a pustulating infectious growth. I laughed my arse off, 5 starred it and brought up in the forum how funny I thought it was.

I think you yourself were the writer of the Spoof Writer's 'Groundhog Day' story. I 5*ed that too.

That story that I wrote just keeps on popping up. It really is like Groundhog Day. It's had almost 60,000 views so far and is by far and away my most popular story. I owe Buck for that one, because the story got me noticed on here and attracted readers to some of my more obscure stories.

Enjoy the ride! Hold tight or you may die!

(That's from Phoenix Nights)

Best Regards

Skoob.

RIP
Jalapenoman
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 01:14
SFO,

Buck has made a career writing stories about the man with the world's largest penis. He's probably got 20 stories about the guy.

When he started here, he used to write stories about turds. Lots of them. He and Duncan Whitehead almost turned this into the turd website (now it is the MJ website).

Also, by looking at the archive I see that my Farrah story actually posted before yours, but it has very few viewings. MJ kind of oveshadowed everything.

Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.
Skoob1999
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 01:48

Quote: Jalapenoman

SFO,

Buck has made a career writing stories about the man with the world's largest penis. He's probably got 20 stories about the guy.

When he started here, he used to write stories about turds. Lots of them. He and Duncan Whitehead almost turned this into the turd website (now it is the MJ website).

Also, by looking at the archive I see that my Farrah story actually posted before yours, but it has very few viewings. MJ kind of oveshadowed everything.


Overshadowed everything...

Like Jordy Chandelier's butt...

Regards

Skoob

RIP
Adam Click
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 02:34 - Edited By: Adam Click, 4 Jul 09 16:24
If it makes you feel any better, Mr. Onion, you can steal some of mine. I have fifteen stories in my queue and can't seem to make any headway with them. they're yours for the taking:

Where to Hide That Person You Just Kidnapped
Viagra Kicks in at Wrong Moment!
Nosey Demonstrators Disrupt Gay Wedding
Crowds flock to downtown for Penguins celebrations
Man Suffering From an Obama Complex Buys Auto Maker
Super Heroes Exposed After Freedom Of Information Request
Obama's to give up Live Performances: Unruly Crowds to Blame
New Health Care Bill Requires Mammograms for Men
Obama's Vestige Appears on Piece of Toast
Obama's Release of Shuttle Atlantis' Classified Phone Number
Cheney, Obama to Star in Revival of "Annie Get Your Gun!"
Crazy Barry's Used Terrorist Store
Little Know Apple Apps You Can Use
Bill and Hillary Head for the Tall Grass as Obama Administration Implodes

Terminally agitated.
Madame Bitters
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 03:54
I'm glad everyone is friends again.

I had no idea you were cwthompson, SFO! I really enjoyed his/your stories. I understand how frustrating it is to write good quality material and have it be ignored by 'catchier' topics.

I'm currently hovering around 260, but I write what appeals to me and to hell with the points

Keep the candy, leave the booze
Skoob1999
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 05:03

Quote: Madame Bitters

I'm glad everyone is friends again.

I had no idea you were cwthompson, SFO! I really enjoyed his/your stories. I understand how frustrating it is to write good quality material and have it be ignored by 'catchier' topics.

I'm currently hovering around 260, but I write what appeals to me and to hell with the points


MB

Hovering around 260 what? Points, prizes, pounds?

We should be told.

Flippantly, But With The Greatest Respect,

Skoob.

RIP
The San Francisco Onion
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 05:34
Madame Bitters,

Thank you! I'm still new to this, and my style is obviously changing as I adapt it more and more to site content, but I'm proud of some of my older stuff.

I actually refered to your Blago's Big Boy Lawsuit story that was in the top 5 in a piece I wrote around the same time about Blagojevich installing a barber's chair to replace Obama's vacant seat in the Senate chamber.

Funny story, and I used to love the Big Boy in Rock Springs, Wyoming when I was a kid.

Done, but with errors on page.
The San Francisco Onion
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 06:07 - Edited By: The San Francisco Onion, 1 Jul 09 06:19
Adam Click,

I've read both Blind Valet Hangs Actor and Gates' WindowBlinds when they were running, and FDA Mudpie Regulations and Energetic Castro Corpse just now.

Hilarious! Don't give those ideas away just yet - let them marinate a while and try again.

The one I might change my mind about is Superheroes Exposed Over Freedom of Information Act - that's a riot!

Done, but with errors on page.
Skoob1999
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Posted: 1 Jul 09 07:19
You see SFO?

They're okay when you get to know them.

Time for bed.

I mean for me. Not you. No offence but I've been Spoofing my head off all night and Mrs Skoob wants a bit of company...Terrible woman. She's cried off work today but I don't think it's me she's after...

Still, I'll have to do...

Night John Boy, Jimmy Bob etc.

Regards

Skoob.

RIP

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