Discussion Forum

I like saying it . . .

I think the Rolling Stones did a song about that:

"I Can't Gitmo Satisfaction."

That was the name of that cute, furry thing in Gremlins

Gitmo.

I always liked that movie.

Gitmo is a command used in 1890's era London by Sherlock Holmes cabbie to get the horse drawn carriage to get moving; "Gitmo."

I had a dog that I used to call Shitmo. unfortunately the poor hound took it literally. So I killed him (humanely of course) with a claw hammer and we had his back legs for a Sunday roast.

Best dog I ever had.

Apart from Lassie.

Who had no sense of direction.

But who was a tad "tough" to chew.

WTF am I saying?

The previous post was a feeble attempt to make me appear insensitive to animal welfare.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I love animals.

Especially with gravy.

Isn't 'gitmo' a hood term for instructing a 'ho' to find additional items, such as money or pizza?

As in: "Hey, ho. Gitmo pizza from da fridge."

Why do we add a letter to make refrigerator shorter? Surely it should be frig? Ah, I think I just answered my own question.

I need to gitmo life.

Iain

gitmo, gotmo . . . what's the present tense?

frangible.

It's irregular.

Iain

Disappointing result last Saturday, Iain.

No more than we deserved.

We need a centrehalf. Quickly.

Iain

I can play centre-half.

Where are you on Saturday? I'll check if I'm available, but I might have to go into town in the morning to get the veg.

I'll let you know on Friday, OK?

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Quote: Madame Bitters

That was the name of that cute, furry thing in Gremlins

Gitmo.

I always liked that movie.

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It was ''Gizmo".

There. I've said it, I held back long enough.

Damon Grant's mate in Brookside was also called Gizmo.

I think.

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Quote: Monkey Woods

I can play centre-half.

Where are you on Saturday? I'll check if I'm available, but I might have to go into town in the morning to get the veg.

I'll let you know on Friday, OK?

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Couldn't be any worse...We're in Harrogate. There's a good veg market there on the last Saturday in the month.

Iain

What colour do you play in?

I'll bring me boots and shin pads. Can't really promise much; I haven't played professionally (Sunday League) for about 15 years, but you can't dampen a good bloke's spirits.

What time's kick-off?

Might have a cuppa at the tea rooms whilst I'm there.

It's okay - we've loaned a player from Altrincham called Alex Meechan. He's played for us before. It's like a "We'll buy your house and rent it back to you" scheme by Altrincham.

I don't know quite how he'll play centre half, being a winger and all. Perhaps we'll put the centre half we brought in, into the centre of defence instead of on the wing, which is where he has been playing. And we might move the midfielder out of defence, and into midfield. And then teach the strikers that the point of the game is to put the round thing in between the white rectangle without the bloke in green catching it and that it's all right if our keeper catches it once in a while.

Should be all right then.

Iain

P.S. Blue. by the way. 3pm. And if you see the rest of our defence in Betty's - give em a nudge and tell them they're supposed to be up the road.

Well, if that's the way you're going to treat a kind offer like the one I made, I'll keep my offers to myself in future, thank you very much.

I'd already instructed me wife to go out to the garage to peel 1991's mud off me studs, and she's given 'em a right good polish. She'll be crestfallen when she hears me big chance has gone begging once more!

Just you wait, Iain. The day will come when you'll rue the decision to tell me you didn't want me in the heart of your defence.

Monkey,

Correct me by all means if I'm wrong here.

I bet you had a footy strip the same as your favourite team, I bet it was in pristine condition, and I bet you never ever got mud on it.

Come on Monkey, tell me I'm wrong!

I love reading in the forums, it's even funnier than the site stories. Laughter is the best...something.


Keep dem peckers up,


TR

BB I 'love' your new avatar.

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Quote: Skoob1999

Monkey,

Correct me by all means if I'm wrong here.

I bet you had a footy strip the same as your favourite team, I bet it was in pristine condition, and I bet you never ever got mud on it.

Come on Monkey, tell me I'm wrong!

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You're wrong.

Well, you're wrong about the mud. I had a Hull City kit, and then I had a new Hull City kit when they changed it, and also the 'away' kit.

I also had an Everton kit, with a huge 'sew-on' badge, two England kits, an various other shirts that I used to pretend were the shirts of teams that I heard the names of, and quite liked the sound of.

We used to go out on 'front', a term we used to describe the grassy area down our street. Four or five of us would play until it got dark (and afterwards in the street lights) and would re-enact scenes we had seen on TV. I particularly liked diving around in the 'goalmouth', an area we had worn down to a mudpatch, but I remember my mum was less than enthusiastic about washing my clothes afterwards.

Ah, the memories.

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Quote: Monkey Woods

Well, if that's the way you're going to treat a kind offer like the one I made, I'll keep my offers to myself in future, thank you very much.

I'd already instructed me wife to go out to the garage to peel 1991's mud off me studs, and she's given 'em a right good polish. She'll be crestfallen when she hears me big chance has gone begging once more!

Just you wait, Iain. The day will come when you'll rue the decision to tell me you didn't want me in the heart of your defence.

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I rue it already.

You'd be my first name down on the team sheet. Anybody who still has mud on their boots after eighteen years must be the kind of player who gives more than 20%. I'm not saying our defender's are lazy, but they don't have mud on their studs from the match they've been in. Never mind 20 years old mud.

Unfortunately, they don't let me near the team sheet until it's all filled in*. I put your name forward to Steve Burr (the manager), and it seems he remembers you playing 'out front', and claimed you were the dirtiest defender he'd ever seen. And that you're mum was a hero for washing it off.

Iain

*Not strictly true - against Nantwich Burr had to check with me the name of one of the reserves we were fielding whilst we were sat in the bar and he was filling in the team sheet. I could have said "Iain Benson", and I might have got a game. I'm not a forward though**. That was an odd game. Nantwich had brought the wrong socks, and the game was nearly postponed. Somebody had his Sunday league team's socks in the boot of his car, and they wore them.

** In twenty years I've scored once, off a corner, but then I am a keeper.

Put my name down for a game Iain, not a full game, maybe just the last 20 minutes or so. I'll come on and score the winner if the scores are level or you are losing.

If you are winning I'll stay on the bench nice and warm in my wooly tracksuit, give one of the young lads a run.

No point getting all mucky for nothing is there?

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Quote: Fergus McCarthy

No point getting all mucky for nothing is there?

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Why? That was what we used to do.

The whole point of the game was to get as mucky as you could, and to perform stunning, flying dives through the air to save a goal-bound volley.

We didn't have goalie gloves though. Goalies used to be hard.

I'll not be going in goal.

I'll be more of a Cantona, Sheringham, Berbatov lazy bastard who'll just pop up up, score the winner, take the applause and fuck off home.

I do have other things to do you know?