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Jesus Budda
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Jesus Budda

Location: theSpoof.com
Registered: 26 Aug 07

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Posted: 1 Nov 08 16:01
It'll soon be Christmas again and time to buy presents for all the boys and girls, grandma's and grandpa's, dogs and cats, husbands and wifes.

Any advice on something good to get?
Not sarcastic/'comedy' answers. I mean genuinely useful advice on crap to watch out for.

Merry Christmas, one and all!



What the fuck am I gonna get?
And cheap. Nothing too expensive. Or slippers. Or anything edible. Nobody wants a crappy sausage fro Christmas.

Why the hell do they have to pump the sausages so full of water? It's ridiculous.
Ok, I know why they do it but I don't understand how they can get away with it. There I am at the cooker trying to fry a few sausages on the pan when they spit and burst all over the place. A health hazard!

And the long, stringy bit of stuff that runs down the length of the sauages is way too mcuh. It ruins them. Cocktail sausages don't seem to have this bit of grizzle.

So no sausages.


Ever notice the way bacon goes luminous green? It's safe to eat but makes me worry slightly sometimes.

I think leeks make me hallucinate. I had soup the other day and there was leeks in it and I am sure I was hallucinating later that evening.

No clothing either.

Or books.
You give somebody a book with the best intentions in the world and you just know that they'll never read it and hate you for the rest of their lives.
I can't remember the people that forgot to give me presents but I'll always remember the woman who gave me a book and a pair of socks. What was she thinking?! Was she mad??? And they were wrapped up. Should've left the package unwrapped 'cos at least the wrapping paper made it look presentable.

So, no sausages, socks, clothing, books, leeks or slippers.
And soap or toiletries. Crap gifts. Put them on the list of the unwanted.


Anything else that would make a good gift?




A lot of people never show any initiative because no-one told them to
carina-eta
This user is offline Ice Queen of the North
carina-eta

Location: back
Registered: 16 Feb 07

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Posted: 2 Nov 08 08:38 - Edited By: carina-eta, 2 Nov 08 08:39
firebox.com
hawkins bazaar
type the persons name into ebay and see what comes up.
Hard cash.
Women-none of the above-only impossibly expensive jewellery will do-never buy a woman something like a kettle, an iron, a hoover or a teacloth.

Next year buy in the January sales.

Someone tried to make my life not worth living and NOW they're trying to kill me!
BentCopper
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BentCopper

Location: Aldridge - UK
Registered: 1 Nov 08

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Posted: 2 Nov 08 09:29
Save your money and spend it on yourself instead. They probably don't deserve anything anyway.

"You have the right to remain silent. And I have the right to kick your fuckin head in."
Jesus Budda
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Jesus Budda

Location: theSpoof.com
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Posted: 2 Nov 08 13:56

Quote: carina-eta

firebox.com
hawkins bazaar
type the persons name into ebay and see what comes up.
Hard cash.
Women-none of the above-only impossibly expensive jewellery will do-never buy a woman something like a kettle, an iron, a hoover or a teacloth.

Next year buy in the January sales.


I'm gonna try them, Carina. Thanks.

I once bought a woman a deep fat fryer. Why, I will never know. Stupid move.






A lot of people never show any initiative because no-one told them to
Jesus Budda
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Jesus Budda

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Posted: 2 Nov 08 13:59

Quote: BentCopper

Save your money and spend it on yourself instead. They probably don't deserve anything anyway.


....Then again, you make some very valid points too, BentCopper.





A lot of people never show any initiative because no-one told them to
Jesus Budda
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Jesus Budda

Location: theSpoof.com
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Posted: 2 Nov 08 14:01

Quote: BentCopper

Save your money and spend it on yourself instead. They probably don't deserve anything anyway.


....Then again, you make some very valid points too, BentCopper.





A lot of people never show any initiative because no-one told them to
BentCopper
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BentCopper

Location: Aldridge - UK
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Posted: 2 Nov 08 17:34

Quote: Jesus Budda

....Then again, you make some very valid points too, BentCopper.


I know. For example, I had a present all wrapped up ready for you Jesus, but then I thought to myself: 'Fuck him. What's that useless bastard ever bought me?'

So I unwrapped it again and drank it myself. (Whiskey).

I hope you don't mind.

To be frank, I don't mind if you do mind.

Do you mind me not minding?

"You have the right to remain silent. And I have the right to kick your fuckin head in."
Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

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Posted: 2 Nov 08 18:29
Dear Bent Copper
Did I once hear you say, 'Don't be silly son. give me the gun..'
And did you also know that Jack 'Dickson Of Dock Green' Warner was in his eighties when he filmed that series, and that further, he had dodgy knees.
Stick with me son, look and learn.

RIP
carina-eta
This user is offline Ice Queen of the North
carina-eta

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Posted: 2 Nov 08 22:07
And lose the halo JB, only I get to wear the halo.

Someone tried to make my life not worth living and NOW they're trying to kill me!
BuckwheatsButt
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Registered: 24 Oct 07

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Posted: 2 Nov 08 22:08
Hmmmmmmmmmm do I hear Bookseller?

Skoob1999
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Skoob1999

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Posted: 3 Nov 08 00:21
Dear Buckwheat's Butt
Bookseller?
I should be so lucky.
Best Regards.

RIP
BuckwheatsButt
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Registered: 24 Oct 07

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Posted: 3 Nov 08 00:27
It's Mr. Buckwheatsbutt to you sonny..and no, I wasn't talking to you.

victor nicholas
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victor nicholas

Location: Suwanee River
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Posted: 3 Nov 08 02:17 - Edited By: victor nicholas, 3 Nov 08 03:56

Quote: Jesus Budda

I think leeks make me hallucinate. I had soup the other day and there was leeks in it and I am sure I was hallucinating



JB

I think you should stop eating leeks for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Best to save them for special occasions like Christmas.

If you like games I recommend Stratego, you don't see it very often though.

Or a paperweight, perfect for the wireless age, shows you care but perfectly useless otherwise, if they don't like it they can pitch it back at you and crack your skull, pretty though.

http://www.venetianglassart.com/Murano-Paperweights_c_7.html

Or perhaps the most favorite for this group, an exercise bike that cools beer while you workout.

http://dvice.com/archives/2008/10/an_exercise_bik.php

"Vottznewpuzzykatt?"
Jesus Budda
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Jesus Budda

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Posted: 3 Nov 08 18:19

Quote: carina-eta

And lose the halo JB, only I get to wear the halo.


Thats just the light shining out of my ass, Carina.
Unlike your beautiful, glorious, halo of wondrous shininess.


BentCopper, I hope you enjoyed that whiskey. God bless you.

Skoob, I don't know what to say to you.

Buckwheats, likewise.

Victor, those are intriguing gifts but seem to be designed for alcoholics and drug addicts - which I have no association with and in fact don't know what drugs or alcohol are.


Anybody else?

Ah yes, the leek 'thing'.
I swear they do affect me in bizarre ways. And mushrooms. Not magic ones. Juts regular mushrooms seem to make me have weird dreams and hallucinations.

I'd hate to live in a giant mushroom. Or be a smurf.



I still don't know what to buy/steal for Christmas.









A lot of people never show any initiative because no-one told them to
Rusty
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Rusty

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Posted: 3 Nov 08 19:21
Quote Jesus Budda: I still don't know what to buy/steal for Christmas.
-------------------------
Sensible...and I do mean sensible: Punch bag / speed ball...for YOU.....works a treat for self-development / stress-release, with enough punch left over to flatten a multitude.
--------------

I'd sooner have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Jesus Budda
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Jesus Budda

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Posted: 4 Nov 08 18:21

Quote: Rusty

Quote Jesus Budda: I still don't know what to buy/steal for Christmas.
-------------------------
Sensible...and I do mean sensible: Punch bag / speed ball...for YOU.....works a treat for self-development / stress-release, with enough punch left over to flatten a multitude.
--------------


Thanks, Rusty.
But I used to box professionally for a (very)brief time and would have no need for such a gift.
I lost each of my 3 pro fights before I saw sense and realized being hit for a living is not such a nice thing.

Merry Christmas.






A lot of people never show any initiative because no-one told them to
carina-eta
This user is offline Ice Queen of the North
carina-eta

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Posted: 5 Nov 08 00:08
Why dont you make something.

In these credit crunching times a gift made by yourself will show that you thought about the gifts recipient and took the time to add a personal touch.

Might I suggest a turd?

Perhaps tied with a decorative ribbon?

Someone tried to make my life not worth living and NOW they're trying to kill me!
Monkey Woods
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Monkey Woods

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Posted: 5 Nov 08 00:29
You should probably go to bed.

It's way past your bedtime.

To have ambitions, was my ambition

 
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