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Forum Home / General Discussion / The Top 10 Sex Mistakes That Men Make


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Fergus McCarthy
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Fergus McCarthy

Location: Hibernia.
Registered: 17 Jan 07

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Posted: 27 Apr 08 05:37
Where in England are you originally from TR?

Fergus

You want me as a moderator!
You need me as a moderator!!!
Tragic Rabbit
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Tragic Rabbit

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Posted: 27 Apr 08 07:19

Quote: Fergus McCarthy

Where in England are you originally from TR?

Fergus




The Shire.

"Pain has an element of BLANK;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there was
A time when it was not. "
- Dickinson
Tragic Rabbit
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Tragic Rabbit

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Posted: 27 Apr 08 07:50 - Edited By: Tragic Rabbit, 27 Apr 08 08:00
Women's Top Ten Mistaken Ideas on the Subject

1. Thinking that foreplay means grabbing the sack. Women can be very short on subtlety, ladies.

Men aren't clockworks, electric dildoes, or insensate.

Have a care and take a mo'.

2. Going south too soon. See above.

What, you think men don't like a kiss or a cuddle?

3. Ignoring the clitoris. Many men think a woman's orgasmic ability is due to penetration only because many women are evasive and vague about their responses - often divulging on a 'need to know' basis more difficult to qualify for than an MoD class-one clearance.

Most of us are not mind readers or magicians, cut us some slack.

4. Missing the G spot. Since 'the literature' doesn't even agree that there is a 'g spot' outside booksellers mythology, why are we penalized? If women would let out a few clues about their individual anatomy and response, it would help.

Anytime the phrase 'pillow queen' applies, we get a pass.

5. Becoming too goal-oriented in your efforts. Your sexual exploration should be playtime for two. See above re 'pillow queen'.

We agree and are happy to see women take up their share, will it be happening anytime soon?

6. Gaining weight and still thinking we're attractive. Must we always go there? You're not 20 any more, either.

It's more that we think we aren't repulsive than we mistake ourselves for rock stars.

Can we mistake ourselves for Mick sometimes, though, maybe just in the shower? Is that allowed?

7. Not acting on your own needs to be naughty - or whatever. Sometimes she needs to get in touch with her adulterated side, but why is this all on us? Can't she initiate what she wants? Is she mute? Quadraplegic? If yes, disregard.

Otherwise, see above re mind reading.

8. Thinking he's supposed to act like a porn star. We are not clockworks or electric vibrators: mere humans, we.

See 1-10 for clarification.

9. Thinking you shouldn't act like a porn star now and again. Hey, where's the harm?

Oh, and please stop saying that thing about size not mattering. It was old when Jesus Buddha was a pup.

10. Underestimating our very simple desires: the intense longing for a blowjob that lives inside all men's hearts.

We will do anything for a blowjob, endure the fires of hell and the demons of overdrafts just in the merest pitiful hope.

Have pity?

Even if you're exhausted, please don't rule out a quick blowjob.

"Pain has an element of BLANK;
It cannot recollect
When it began, or if there was
A time when it was not. "
- Dickinson
carina-eta
This user is offline Ice Queen of the North
carina-eta

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Posted: 27 Apr 08 13:11
Here'a good tip that makes for great sex and great food.

Rub raw chillies in his underpants. After a week of listening to him screaming in pain, writhing in agony and making frequent trips to the "GUM" clinic thinking he's got the clap, wash all his underpants in a boil wash or buy him new ones. Then give him plain yoghurt to rub on his privates, telling him its a cure-all formula you made up yourself.

He will never, ever complain again and will be totally happy with whatever he gets. If he starts with the criticism, repeat exercise.

Someone tried to make my life not worth living and NOW they're trying to kill me!
queen mudder
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queen mudder

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Posted: 27 Apr 08 13:35
Carina-eta, the Spoof's very own Dr Ruth....

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IN SEINE
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IN SEINE

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Posted: 27 Apr 08 14:50

Quote: carina-eta

Here'a good tip that makes for great sex and great food.

Rub raw chillies in his underpants. After a week of listening to him screaming in pain, writhing in agony and making frequent trips to the "GUM" clinic thinking he's got the clap, wash all his underpants in a boil wash or buy him new ones. Then give him plain yoghurt to rub on his privates, telling him its a cure-all formula you made up yourself.

He will never, ever complain again and will be totally happy with whatever he gets. If he starts with the criticism, repeat exercise.


Yes but how many calories does it have and are there any preservatives or additives?

Is there any gluten-free versions?

What about those with a nut allergy?

I didn't know you liked S & M or Pink Floyd

~IS~

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carina-eta
This user is offline Ice Queen of the North
carina-eta

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Posted: 27 Apr 08 20:08
If he has a nut allergy make sure he doesn't get any on his balls.

If you have a nut allergy, well, you shouldn't be anywhere near there anyway.

IS- Pink Floyd in the dark on surround sound - heaven.
:)

Someone tried to make my life not worth living and NOW they're trying to kill me!
Jean Le Fete
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Jean Le Fete

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Posted: 29 Apr 08 14:55

Quote: carina-eta

If he has a nut allergy make sure he doesn't get any on his balls.

If you have a nut allergy, well, you shouldn't be anywhere near there anyway.

IS- Pink Floyd in the dark on surround sound - heaven.
:)



Do you have the laser light show too?

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GrimKatie
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GrimKatie

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Registered: 29 Apr 08

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Posted: 29 Apr 08 15:47
Ok...
Ah the waking in fear of the Ball Jokes.

Look a cookie!!!!!!!

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