Discussion Forum

As an antidote to marvins deep intellectual comedy thinking;

How do you stop your mouth from freezing up?

Grit your teeth.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

A gentleman was having some physical problems and his doctor told him that he had to drink warm water with Epsom Salts one hour before breakfast.

At the end of a week he returned and the doctor asked if
he was feeling better. The man said that he actually felt worse.

"Did you drink warm salt water an hour before breakfast each day?" the Doc asked.

"No," replied the man somberly, letting out a sigh.

"I could only do about 15 minutes!"

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Quote: IN SEINE

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

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To be frank, I'd have to change my name.

My favorite bad joke:

Why can't Miss Piggy count to seventy?

Because every time she gets to sixty-nine, she gets a frog in her throat.

What's green and smells of Pork?

Kermit's finger

IN SEINE said:

What's green and smells of Pork?

Kermit's finger
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That was an extremely funny joke. It got me by surprise because it took me a minute and a half to understand, but when it stuck me, it stuck me hard with laughter. I really enjoyed it. Your improvisation was superb and your grammar well formed. The best aspect of your joke was the surprise and the wit.

I have to admit, it made me a little sick because I don't like the smell of pussy, its quite repulsive. Besides that point, it was the best joke I have herd yet.

Too bad we don't have a creative writing format in this board so we can critique our work and improve on our writing. When we go out onto the headline forum, like prized champions, we would come back victorious.

I was on 'You Tube', on this comedy school page and they had a seasoned comic give advice. He said that comics should ask the audience questions that don't produce a yes or no answer.

I imagine that it undermines an individual in the audience so the whole audience could laugh at that particular person. This sort of comedy scheme functions better with an educated audience on a theater stage. If you use it in your local pub with uneducated drunkards, it can engage you in a violent fight. Those types of guys don't like being undermined and are quite brutal. In a pub environment, non-intimidating jokes like Miss piggy would spark laughter without causing a fight.

marvin

"No dark sarcasm in the classroom" marvin

You should know the rules you've been teaching them for over a week now.

I would have thought that was 'elementary'.

~IS~

~

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What is the motto of the dyslexics' bestiality club?


'In dog we thrust'

An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously,
"can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"

"Certainly," replies the doctor,

"Where do you think lawyers come from?"

Hope that's not aimed at queen mudder?

norma snockers wrote:

What is the motto of the dyslexics' bestiality club?


'In dog we thrust'

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That was a funny joke.

If we scientifically decipher it using the code breaking methodology, this is what we come up with:

dog = D.O.G. = Device Of God

backwards
god = G.O.D. Geometric Observation Device

synonyms of thrust- push, shove, drive, force, propel, plunge, power, driving force , propulsion

Deciphered message
"In the Device Of God the Geometric Observation Device of the unknown gives us propulsion."

Clearly a message but from whom? Something seems to be classifying human beings as dogs because the divinity of the object is so great that humans would take it for themselves and they would disregard the label of dog, which they thought was a label given to God. Humans clearly thought that God became destabilized and they thought for a second that they were masters over God. This intelligent unknown is clearly affirming that people want to be like God to the point of killing God. The message has a touch of sarcasm, which shows the sender of the message is extremely powerful and infinite.

moving on;

What is grey with a trunk?

A mouse going on holiday.

What is brown with a trunk?

The mouse coming back.

What did the Spanish fireman call his twin boys?
Hose A and Hose B

What's the difference between a church bell and a politician?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

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Quote: IN SEINE

What's the difference between a church bell and a politician?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

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Ahhhh, took me a second but I got it....

Sh*ttest Jesus Budda 'joke' of the day:

A woman gets onto a bus with her really ugly baby.
So she sits down at the back next to a group of teenage punk-ass kids. She notices that they are staring and laughing, making nasty comments and throwing sh*t at the child, calling it names.
It eventually gets too much to take for the woman so she stands up and marches towards the bus driver and tells him to stop the vehicle. She tells him that his passengers are being little b*stards. He listens patiently then calmly advises her to report it to a traffic cop who just happens to be parked on the other side of the street.
The woman thanks him and motions to get off the bus.
"Wait up", says the busdriver, "you go on ahead and I'll hold onto yer monkey for ya!".

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Quote: Jesus Budda "... you go on ahead and I'll hold onto yer monkey ...".

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The last time I read that it was posted in Magazine by marvin on 25 November.

The first time it had been handed down to my by my grandfather, who had heard it from his grandfather, who... etc., ad nausea.

Are you marvin?

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Quote: Shaun Ferguson

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Quote: Jesus Budda "... you go on ahead and I'll hold onto yer monkey ...".

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The last time I read that it was posted in Magazine by marvin on 25 November.

The first time it had been handed down to my by my grandfather, who had heard it from his grandfather, who... etc., ad nausea.

Are you marvin?

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I wish I was!!!!

Why did the chicken cross the road? ...Oh, hang on a second...I forget the punchline....

JB

I like to be here when I can.

Monkey can highlight his own work. He doesn't need any encouragement. Or help.

It would really help me, marvin, if you were to pick a story and highlight each vowel in a different colour and each consonant in a different colour. A very long story. A story that would take you a very long time. I would find that really useful.

This thread is going off-topic now, I thought it was a bad joke antidote?

Monkey Woods is NOT BAD
Monkey Woods is NOT a JOKE
Monkey Woods is NOT an ANTEDOTE
Monkey Woods is NOT A MONKEY
Monkey Woods is NOT MADE OF WOOD

Dedicated to marvin;

A driver pulls into a Disabled parking space and is berated by another man as he leaves the vehicle, "What's your disability then?" he shouts. The driver replies,"F*ckin Tourettes, now p*ss off you tw*t"

2 cows in a field; Buttercup and Daisy.

Daisy: "I've just been artificially inseminated!"

Buttercup: "Really?"

Daisy: "Yeah, straight up, NO BULL!"

~IS~

How to Trap a Polar Bear.

1. Find the proper bait. This is easy in this situation. Polar bears love to eat peas. They prefer the frozen peas (being from the arctic) to the canned ones.
2. Cut a large hole in the ice.
3. Sprinkle a thin trail of peas to the hole and fill the hole up with the rest of the bag of peas.
4. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

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Quote: IN SEINE
Monkey Woods is NOT A MONKEY

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Ooo-aa-ooo-aa-aa-ooo-ooo-ooo-aa-OOO-AA

It will be my birthday on here on 29th December. Will you all remember to send me a special birthday wish. It can be in any form you want, just so long as you don't forget me.

What's ET short for?
Because he's got little legs!