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IN SEINE
This user is offline French Tickler
IN SEINE

Location: AREA 51, NORTH WESTERN REGION
Registered: 28 Jul 07

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Posted: 5 Dec 07 19:11
Yes I've seen that picture the other day on my trawl through writers, but I cant remember who he is!

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes!"
Jalapenoman
This user is offline Spicy Hombre
Jalapenoman

Location: Las Cruces, NM
Registered: 1 Jun 05

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Posted: 5 Dec 07 19:21
President Bush.

Produce.

J.D. Balderdash.

Take your pick

Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.
IN SEINE
This user is offline French Tickler
IN SEINE

Location: AREA 51, NORTH WESTERN REGION
Registered: 28 Jul 07

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Posted: 5 Dec 07 20:07
No it was none of them - perhaps there are more.

Horrible thought; there are more than one jarjar binx clones!

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes!"
Jalapenoman
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Jalapenoman

Location: Las Cruces, NM
Registered: 1 Jun 05

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Posted: 5 Dec 07 20:14
All three are the same person.

Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.
IN SEINE
This user is offline French Tickler
IN SEINE

Location: AREA 51, NORTH WESTERN REGION
Registered: 28 Jul 07

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Posted: 5 Dec 07 22:13
with multiple personality disorder?

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes!"
Jalapenoman
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Jalapenoman

Location: Las Cruces, NM
Registered: 1 Jun 05

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Posted: 5 Dec 07 23:21
No, every time Helium would boot him off, he'd come back with a new identity.

Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.
SpaceElevator
This user is offline Higher and Higher
SpaceElevator

Location: Somewhere, Beyond the Sea...
Registered: 31 May 07

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Posted: 6 Dec 07 03:42 - Edited By: SpaceElevator, 6 Dec 07 04:26
By the way, 'marvin', there are only 30 days in November...
But you are so very clever to suggest that there are 31 days.
Or is it your lack of attention to detail/reality?

Oh nevermind -- on second thought, the greatest insult would be if we just collectively ignore you.

Spoofin' ain't easy... & SPAM™ is a portmanteau of "Spiced Ham" (reproduction or other use of this broadcast without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited)
Wonkey Moods
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Registered: 6 Dec 07

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Posted: 6 Dec 07 10:19
Marvin, I changed my name. Is this OK, Sir?

I think it distances me from the Tiger Woods thing, don't you, Sir? I wouldn't want to fall foull of that. You were right, Monkey Woods was too obviously connected to him, despite the fact that nobody else saw it that way. Of course, not much gets past you, does it, Sir?

I think the new name is perfect, as it reflects my somewhat awkward state-of-mind at the moment. You will be aware of this, as your remarkable perception will have detected the characteristic frailty and angular stance from which I write most of my material. This is why you spoke to me as you did. YOU CHOSE ME AS THE ONE YOU WOULD HELP. For this, I thank you. You have been an inspiration to me, and I will always be thankful for your guidance, Master.

What was that tripe about watching stand-up comedians, though?

WM

Jalapenoman
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Jalapenoman

Location: Las Cruces, NM
Registered: 1 Jun 05

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Posted: 6 Dec 07 12:10
I don't think Marvin is going to like that name.

It implies being in the state of mind ("mood") for masturbation (sometimes called "****ing").

On a family sight like this, he will probably think that it has a negative connotation for parents.

Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.
Mister Meaner
This user is offline AKA Monkey Woods
Mister Meaner

Location: With Woods
Registered: 30 Aug 07

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Posted: 6 Dec 07 13:35

Quote: Jalapenoman


On a family sight like this


J-man, did you spell 'site' like that just to make Marvin feel at home?

I won't be tempted by vile evils, because vile evils are vile evils
Jalapenoman
This user is offline Spicy Hombre
Jalapenoman

Location: Las Cruces, NM
Registered: 1 Jun 05

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Posted: 6 Dec 07 14:27
What can I say. It was about 4:00 in the morning. I've been up all night. Clarity of thought is not an option right now.

Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.
Who The Hell Is Mohit?
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Who The Hell Is Mohit?

Location: Mumbai
Registered: 24 May 07

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Posted: 6 Dec 07 15:54

Quote: Wonkey Moods

Marvin, I changed my name. Is this OK, Sir?

I think it distances me from the Tiger Woods thing, don't you, Sir? I wouldn't want to fall foull of that. You were right, Monkey Woods was too obviously connected to him, despite the fact that nobody else saw it that way. Of course, not much gets past you, does it, Sir?

WM


Monkey..err, Wonkey, you have, in your "Monkey life", posted through evident sarcasm, a contradictory statement:

"Monkey Woods

No relation to Tiger."

Just pointing out.

Don't tase me, bro!
Monkey Woods
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Monkey Woods

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Posted: 8 Dec 07 10:11 - Edited By: Monkey Woods, 8 Dec 07 10:14
We need stories about dissatisfied people, possibly writers, who are stressed, depressed, at the end of their tethers, and who set out, collectively, to exorcise their inner demons by bringing to an end the existence of an individual named something like Vinmar.

Describe how they might do this: use funny words, jokes, cheap innuendo and double entendre to do so. Be graphic if you wish, but a word of caution to the unwary: use descriptions of flowing or dripping blood sparingly; parents will not appreciate them. Likewise, recounting scenes of ritual abuse and bumming could be deemed gratuitous, and may incur the wrath of the administrators, or even the British Botting Corporation (BBC).

Here is a link:

www.bbc.co.uk

This link may be incorrect, but you get the picture.

Choose a nice headline. People like nice headlines. They are nice. And funny. They are nice and funny. This site is all about being funny, and funniness is the top priority. To be funny requires great skill, and a prominent funny bone.

Here is another link:

www.funnybone.co.uk

Try to use these words in your pathetic attempts at being funny:

funny
death
laugh
axe
giggle
comedy
mutilation
Jesus' Buddy
caterina-a
decapitate
Jalapenomarvin
genocide
Kinky Dave
entrails
Queen Munter
gunshots
Moshing Nink
INSANE
mercy killing

Here is another link:

www.phuckoff.com

Here endeth today's lesson. Amen.

Donkey Wooms.

To have ambitions, was my ambition
IN SEINE
This user is offline French Tickler
IN SEINE

Location: AREA 51, NORTH WESTERN REGION
Registered: 28 Jul 07

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Posted: 8 Dec 07 20:58 - Edited By: IN SEINE, 8 Dec 07 22:34

Quote: Monkey Woods

We need stories about dissatisfied people, possibly writers, who are stressed, depressed, at the end of their tethers, and who set out, collectively, to exorcise their inner demons by bringing to an end the existence of an individual named something like Vinmar.

Describe how they might do this: use funny words, jokes, cheap innuendo and double entendre to do so. Be graphic if you wish, but a word of caution to the unwary: use descriptions of flowing or dripping blood sparingly; parents will not appreciate them. Likewise, recounting scenes of ritual abuse and bumming could be deemed gratuitous, and may incur the wrath of the administrators, or even the British Botting Corporation (BBC).

Here is a link:

www.bbc.co.uk

This link may be incorrect, but you get the picture.

Choose a nice headline. People like nice headlines. They are nice. And funny. They are nice and funny. This site is all about being funny, and funniness is the top priority. To be funny requires great skill, and a prominent funny bone.

Here is another link:

www.funnybone.co.uk

Try to use these words in your pathetic attempts at being funny:

funny
death
laugh
axe
giggle
comedy
mutilation
Jesus' Buddy
caterina-a
decapitate
Jalapenomarvin
genocide
Kinky Dave
entrails
Queen Munter
gunshots
Moshing Nink
INSANE
mercy killing

Here is another link:

www.phuckoff.com

Here endeth today's lesson. Amen.

Donkey Wooms.


OK, some of the names have been chaged for legal reasons, but here's my effort:

A funny thing happened to vinmar, the local policeman, as he patrolled the vast labyrinthine corridors of TheSpoof.com's forums. The writers were getting restless because like Jesus did to his buddies all those years ago, they were indeed looking forward to the return of their Spoofmeister. The occasional laugh was heard and a giggle here and there, but they had one thing in common -to eradicate a piece of vermin called MARVIN. They had to hatch plans so they put it under Jaffa forbes.

The plan was to draw the self-proclaimed king of comedy into a trap and decapitate him with an axe. Catering-eta would volunteer to swing the axe (as she had already dispatched cowman earlier this week - allegedly). By now there was a strong smell of death in the air as the writers laid in wait. The hopeless, nay hapless Marvin did not stand a chance as Jalapenomarvin got impatient and let go six rounds from his sawn off shotgun. His entrails were scattered over a vast area (Marvin always bragged about his two achers).

Meanwhile, Queen Munter was taking her pet stoat for a walk on his bejewelled lead. The stoat could smell the still-warm blood and pulled his owner to the remains of Marvin and he ate up all the entrails from this scene of genocide. All evidence of this mercy killing was gone; it was eaten by a noshing mink.One could say that ye Royal Ferret was heard to say: "I ATE HIS GUTS!"

Finally, vinmar woke up and rubbed his eyes "Oh boy that was some insane dream." He cuddled up to his mate Kinky Dave and went back to sleep.

~IS~

"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes!"
carina-eta
This user is offline Ice Queen of the North
carina-eta

Location: back
Registered: 16 Feb 07

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Posted: 9 Dec 07 17:28
Like it !!!!!!!!!!!!

re catering-eta and the axe part- I volunteer!!!



Someone tried to make my life not worth living and NOW they're trying to kill me!
Noshing Mink
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Noshing Mink

Location: Somewhere in England
Registered: 5 Apr 07

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Posted: 13 Dec 07 01:42

Quote: marvin

ASSIGNMENT BOARD


This is the new Spoof assignment board, which anyone can open up. It is for assigning excellent comedy tasks or giving inspirational ideas.

SPOOF ALERT!!!!

I found a site with the funniest names in the world for you to use on your stories. The names secretly say an odd name. If your reader is intelligent they will get caught by surprise and throw out a laugh. These are a few funny names without surprises: Goofy, Maynard, Dufus, Bluto, Goober, Fanny, Titsy

Funny Name list:

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_285.htm



NEW ASSIGNMENT:


Nov/30/2007

We need a story about Britney Spears being a lesbian because she can't find a boy friend during dry spells and becomes desperate for a man. She becomes an imitation man just to have a friend so she does not feel lonely at night in her bed. During dry spells she gets turned down by guys because they say she is not that beautiful anymore because of her age. Also most of those guys that turn her down are engaged to other women. Get the names of her lesbian lovers. You can title your article 'An interview with Sir Britney', millions of women around the world will laugh their heads off.

Nov/30/2007

We need a story about an imaginary case of a bank robbery gone right. Use a story from a famous bank robbery gone wrong. This will undermine the failed bank robbers and produce a laugh. Remember to use real names, real facts, real places, real time and date. Just change the outcome after doing research on how they could have done it better. Use scientific data and analysis to avert mistakes in your Spoof reenactment. Fashion the story in the form of a news reporting.

Nov/30/2007

We need a story about musicians singing fake love songs to sell their imaginary love to people that are old, fat, ugly, and desperate. Show real cases of adoring fans being arrested for stalking. Express the truth that the police never consider the reality that the singer instructed the fans to behave in that manner, using alluring sexual advancements on their songs. If the police still don't understand, then show an example of a police officer that had sex with a woman who begged him for sex but later charged the police officer with a sexual crime. The subject of your news story is "If it is ok for the police to accept a lie from a singer its ok for the public to lie on their tax returns and all other things."

Dec/2/2007

We need legal stories where the issue is hypocrisy in the law. The stories should be about laws that contradict other laws, laws that contradict nature and evolution, laws that contradict science, and laws that contradict constitutional documents.

Dec/3/2007

We need a story about how International genocide laws apply to male, prison inmates who spend years without breeding in their natural process. Talk about zoo animals paired up with their natural breeding partners to maintain their mental stability. Show a fake interview with a prison warden who tries to demonstrate to reporters, using diagrams, that male humans are actually related to bacteria and are not considered animals who belong to the natural world like the creatures in the zoo.

Here is some dirt on the prison system:

Article II: In the present Convention, genocide means any of the following acts:

(b) Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group;
(c) Deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part;
(d) Imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group;


Article III: The following acts shall be punishable:

(a) Genocide;
(b) Conspiracy to commit genocide;
(c) Direct and public incitement to commit genocide;
(d) Attempt to commit genocide;
(e) Complicity in genocide.

Dec/03/2007

We need stories about religious hypocrisy from the ancient past of religion to modern times. Show how religion has destroyed the lives of millions and millions of humans. Point out the contradiction between nature and religion. Pluck out every mistake religion has made. Show how the church was wrong in condemning Galileo. Show how the church promotes abstinence while at the same time they are children born out of abstinence. Show how Jesus had sex with a woman when his peter rubbed up against the Virgin Mary's genitals during birth. Jesus is not really a virgin. Accuse the holly spirit of fornicating with Mary, that is why Jesus was born. Show how the prophet Mohammad abandoned his faithful flock by descending into heaven and forgetting about them. He should have stayed on earth to keep guiding them. It is the same as a father who walks out on his infant children, who later suffer starvation. He preferred partying in heaven for the last 4 centuries while his people needed him. It's not a sin to talk about the prophet Mohammad's decent into heaven and the bad results for those he left behind. It's only against the law to name your Teddy bear Mohammad.

Dec/03/2007

We need a story about Brittney Spears and Madonna kissing. During the kiss, one of them goes through an assault. We need to find out which one. I read a net report, which said that Britney was crying behind stage during the rehearsal because she did not want to kiss Madonna. A gay, black dancer for Madonna forced Brittney to perform the rehearsal using threats and intimidation. Find more about this incident and put it on your news report. The name of your article could be "Brittney Spears assaulted during kiss" or "Britney gets kissed after labeling Madonna an old Medusa" or "Brittney gets punished with a kiss for threatening Madonna with Alabama confederacy". Show how Madonna brought down the Queen of Pop with a kiss to regain her old crown back. Madonna realized an opportunity when she discovered Brittney was actually born in a trailer park, filled with confederate sympathizers, in Alabama. When Madonna saw Brittney trying to promote her Southern traits in a boisterous manner, she told herself "This is the time to strike at this unpopular bitch and get back my position in pop music." You can fill your story with satire and truth. You can also name your article "Brittney falls into a lesbian spider trap" These things are based on factual occurrences and will catch the interest of your reader.

Dec/05/2007

We need a fake story about Jenny Shimizu having a lesbian affair with Brittney Spears. Collect data on Jenny Shimizu's old lesbian affairs with famous women and use her love making tactics with Brittney. You can call your story, " Jenny Shimizu world ambassador of Japanese women strikes out again" or "Jenny Shimizu the Japanese Mister Girl has affair with Britney" or "Jenny Shimizu gets passed around like an old pair of shoes"or "Jenny Shimizu the lesbian pawn is crying about another experience" or "Scientist classify lesbian Jenny Shimizu as non-human" or "Men reject Jenny Shimizu for copulation, forcing her to allow Brittney to submit" or "Brittney Spears farts in Jenny Shimizu's face" or "Jenny Shimizu couldn't find prom date making her turn lesbian" or "Blond boys never wanted Jenny Shimizu she turns Butch-Dike" or something mild like "Jenny Shimizu infamous Mister Girl becomes Brittney's private sex-slave" or "Jenny Shimizu lesbian dog licks her way to the top" or "Jenny Shimizu respects women's sons by turning herself into a lesbian dog" or "Jenny Shimizu fantasizes the world gave her a lesbian axle but she is the only one losing" or "Lesbian psychopath Jenny Shimizu respects women by licking like a dog" or "Butch-Dike Jenny Shimizu is compliant to female society" or "Butch-Dike Jenny Shimizu elevates her fears by licking foreign women" or "Jenny Shimizu unwanted by foreign society starts a licking campaign of the stars" or "Jenny Shimizu shows respect by grunting like a male hog" or "Jenny Shimizu goes to women's prison discovers a hornets nest" or "Lesbian dog Jenny Shimizu works her way into foreign society by licking her way around" or "Conniving Jenny Shimizu thinks she's gained the confidence of foreign women" or ""Japanese women accuse foreign women of desiring Jenny Shimizu's disgusting body" or "In London Lesbian Jenny Shimizu gets hit over the head with a shoe for looking at a man" or "Conniving Lesbian dog Jenny Shimizu accused of trying to molest an English boy" or "Jenny Shimizu accused of stalking Brittney Spears" or "Jenny Shimizu accused of stalking Brittney Spear's father". "Conniving Jenny Shimizu worms her way into foreign society by slurping vagina juices" or "Madonna punishes Jenny Shimizu with more booty call for what happened at Pearl Harbor" or "Madonna uses Jenny Shimizu as comfort woman sex-slave" or "Madonna punishes Tokyo Rose, Jenny Shimizu with more booty call"


Here is some dirt on Jenny Shimizu:

http://today.ccopinion.com/jenny-shimizu-and-madonnas-lesbian-affair/


In the 1990s, Shimizu spoke a line in the coming-out episode of Ellen starring Ellen DeGeneres.

Shimizu usually sports close-cropped hair. She has a tattoo of a woman straddling a crescent wrench on her arm. In 2005, Shimizu married Rebecca Loos for the Sky documentary Power Lesbian UK (broadcast as Power Lesbians on LOGO, which profiled successful lesbians in Los Angeles) and appeared on Tyra Banks' reality show America's Next Top Model.

In a 2005 poll by gay publication The Pink Paper, Shimizu was voted sexiest woman, beating out Angelina Jolie and Australian icon Kylie Minogue, in at second and third, respectively.

Shimizu has a supporting role in Jamie Babbit's 2007 film Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

Relationships with Angelina Jolie and Madonna

British tabloid newspapers alleged in 2006 that Shimizu claimed to have an ongoing romantic and sexual relationship with Angelina Jolie (begun when they appeared together in the film Foxfire), as well as with mutual friend Madonna. She later denied making any claims regarding Jolie.

In January 2007, Shimizu described further the relationship she had with Madonna. Calling herself "Madonna's sex slave", she revealed that Madonna would fly her to destinations across the world for sexual liaisons, saying: "I was her secret 'booty call' available any time of the day or night for secret sex sessions....She's sensational in bed." She revealed this information while it was being reported that she was going to release a tell-all book with intimate details of her sexual affairs with Madonna and Jolie. Shimizu had allegedly also had sexual affairs with both celebrities at the same time.

Dec/05/2007

We need a fake story about Brittney Spear getting murdered by the son of the Zodiac killer. Of course, the son of the Zodiac gets away with the murder because he is good at vanishing from the police. The end of the story should be about the police finding Brittney's body cut up into parts and dumped in trash bins with the son of the Zodiac calling the police to tell them where each frozen body part can be found. He leaves the parts in boxes full of dry ice. You can have a part where the Zodiac tells police that a music competitor of Spears paid him 200 thousand dollars to do that to her. Try to follow the old Zodiac's tactics to give the story a taste of realism. This will catch the reader's attention. You can make Brittney the Zodiac's third victim so he can get some ranking behind him. You can call it "Son of Zodiac writes introduction letter to police" or "Son of Zodiac takes up father's profession" or "Son of Zodiac murders Britney Spears". This is what they call 'Dark Satire'.

Here is some data on this beloved gentleman the Zodiac killer.

http://www.zodiackiller.com/

Here is a letter from the old Zodiac so you can fashion your letter written from the son of the Zodiac to the police:

Being that you will not wear some nice buttons, how about wearing some nasty buttons. Or any type of buttons that you can think up. If you do not wear any type of buttons I shall ( on top of everything else) torture all 13 of my slaves that I have waiting for me in paradise. Some I shall tie over ant hills and watch them scream and twitch and squirm. Others shall have pine splinters driven under their nails and then burned. Others shall be placed in cages and fed salt beef until they are gorged then I shall listen to their pleas for water and I shall laugh at them. Others will hang by their thumbs and burn in the summer. I will rub them down with deep heat to warm them up. Others I shall skin them alive and let them run around screaming. And all billiard players I shall have them play in a dark ended dungeon using crooked cues and twisted shoes. Yes, I shall have great fun inflicting the most delicious of pain to my slaves.

This is an example of a letter you can reenact in your satirical story about Britney Spears being murdered by the son of the Zodiac. You can divide your news stories into three parts, similar to a micro soap opera. Like a sequel, your readers will come back for more just to find out what the killer is doing next.

For example:

1. News story about Britney disappearing and leaving her car and belongings on a Hollywood street.

2. News story about son of Zodiac telling police where to find her body parts.

3. News story about the son of Zodiac sending letter to the news media as final tribute to his father.

Reenacted letter:

Being that you never wore nice buttons for my father, I demand bracelets made of teeth fashioned from Britney's foul smelling mouth. I tortured Brittany Spears during her last moments of life. She is now my slave waiting in Paradise. Before Brittany died, I tied her to a tree full of ants and poured honey on her. She screamed in her relentless twitching as ants were biting her. I drove splinters under her nails while she begged me for mercy. I placed her in a cage and fed her salted beef until she was gorged then I listened to her pleas for water and I laughed at her. I hanged her upside down by her toes and rubbed her down with deep heat while operating 20 heaters in her room. Yes, I had great fun inflicting the most delicious pain on Brittany.

This is a shocking story and the only way to lure readers into your page to inflate your points in the shortest amount of time possible. If your concerned about legal problems use the name Britney Speers which is a fictional character. People who use fictional characters never are legally protected by law. If you notice the name Britney only has one t and the name Speers has two ee inside of ea.

Dec/05/2007

We need a series of stories about human lesbians in its scientific accuracy. We need one writer to specialize in Lesbian Primatology as far as they can take their reading. Then they should specialize on writing lesbians stories where the science data melts into the news headline story. Assortments of female celebrities are available for these lesbian satire stories. You can pair up women like Jessica Moore and Teri Hatcher having a lesbian love affair in a Hilton Hotel room. Try to apply Primatology to celebrity culture to get an understanding of their human behavior. Use Jane Goodall's research method to study these primate celebrities.

Here is research data:

Primatology is the study of primates. It is a diverse discipline and primatologists can be found in departments of biology, anthropology, psychology and many others. Physical anthropology is a branch of primatology, which is the primatology of the genus Homo, especially Homo sapiens. The fields cross over in the study of the hominids, which include all ape-like ancestors of man and the other great apes (for a list of common ancestors with other living species see The Ancestor's Tale).

Modern primatology is an extremely diverse science. It ranges from anatomical studies of primate ancestors and field studies of primates in their natural habitat, to experiments in animal psychology and ape language. It has cast an immense amount of light on basic human behaviors and ancient ancestry of these behaviors.

Try to get this book at your local library. It has vital data on lesbian behavior. Carefully take out scientific facts because prison femes like to cover up their sexual crimes by blaming the female victims in women's prison. Watch out for language where the victims are referred to as male seducers. Women do not want to be men and they do not seduce other women unless they are forced into it with the use of threats, male deprivation, fear or material necessity. They suffer irreparable psychological damage like Jenny Shimizu. Analyze the physiological games these women play on the lesbian victim. Remember that the lesbian is the victim and the female receiver is still straight. The one playing the male role is seen as the victim because the behavior is not part of her DNA programming and causes her mental pain. Use this data to analyze celebrity lesbian affairs to discover who is abusing whom. Do not stop lesbian behavior because we need them for more laboratory studies. For example in the case of Madonna, she tells Jenny Shimizu that she needs her for booty call. This is a lesbian physiological game, which also is played in prison. Like a spider that injects its prey with digestive liquids, Madonna's words penetrate the mind of the victim allowing victim to feel needed and creates social bonding, which is needed by the victim to assimilate to human society. When the actual sex occurs the one that was really on booty call was Madonna and Shimizu was the male who copulates. We must praise Madonna for her efforts because she is providing us with fresh laboratory specimens, like Shimizu, for our analysis.

Ward, David A. Women's prison: sex and social structure

http://www.amazon.com/Womens-Prison-Sex-Social-Structure/dp/0202309339?tag=dogpile-20


Dec/08/2007

We need a story on our beloved comrade Salman Rushdie. In real life Salman was up against the fatwa (religious edict), which is a death warrant issued by a religious cleric.

In your story, you have to put Salman Rushdie up against unknown government officials that are keeping their identity secret. Salman keeps getting death threats every time he writes novels criticizing the tax system used by government, novels criticizing deadlock between political parties, novels accusing government of introducing feminism into foreign countries to destabilize their enemies, novels criticizing government of having too large a military arsenal, novels criticizing the secrecy of government agents and their unethical abuses.

This type of story has a shocking twist that will attract your readers. You can attach satire and wit to Salman Rushdie's concepts and statements to make your readers laugh at the dreadful abuses of government. Don't specify any particular government so it could have a generalized concept about abuse all across the world.

Example: Yesterday, Solomon Rusdie received a letter threatening his life after he wrote a novel condemning government around the world for having a faulty educational system that stunts the development of children. The senders of the letter are yet to be identified and are believed to be secret agents vent on murdering Solomon Rusdie who is now in hiding.

Dec/09/2007

We need a story about Elton John being invited by the Queen to a classical opera in Britain to sing the 'Sugar plum fairy' play. Please whatever you write, do not get over dramatic with the story or it will look fake and turn off your readers. If you saw the news report about Natalie Holloway being murdered you will see that it is done professionally. Those writers did not over dramatize her murder. They added a bit of exclusive reporting. They added a bit of revealing information not known by the public. They presented the information in its realistic totality. The name of the play 'Sugar plum fairy' and the fact that Elton is a Fairy is the hook, satire and humor all in one. It is unassuming and realistic. Please don't ruin it with a melodramatic personality. Keep it real.

If you don't want any legal problems, change the name of Elton to Felton John. You can use the picture of that group of homosexuals walking together and put under the picture "Adoring fans of Felton on their way to the opera while on prison furlough".

You can have a serious piece where the reporter states that Felton invited lesbian friend Britney Freekton to the opera but she declined stating she did not feel safe being around Felton.

NEW METHOD:
This is a new method, which you can employ in some of your stories. For example, you can use the statement, "Adoring fans of Felton on their way to the opera while on prison furlough", and put it into an area adjacent to the picture of the walking homosexuals. Make it into a short paragraph explaining that the opera is selling many tickets. Then you can put a short description under the picture of the homosexuals, "Ticket goers rushing to show" You should try to improvise in a witty way that drives the excitement of the reader without letting your mind slip into a melodramatic condition.

Points to remember:

1.Use the name of a real opera to make it realistic
2.Use the real opening hours of the opera
3.Keep the story short and in a realistic environment



mel·o·dra·mat·ic adj
1. behaving, speaking, done, or said in a way that is more dramatic, shocking, or highly emotional than the situation demands
2. relating to or typical of melodrama

fur·lough n
1. a period of leave granted to a prisoner, usually as a reward for good behavior and to reduce incarceration costs

Dec/11/2007

We need a story about the Pope having blue balls. Try to experiment with different types of medias inside of news reports. This will make it more entertaining for the readers. There are comics, movies, news reports, jokes, and novels. Try to make this news story in the form of a comic. Each paragraph would have to be a different scene. Fill each paragraph with descriptive words to create the picture of the comic squares. You would always use the words "It was reported" to identify it as a news report even though it is in the comic scene. This will be unusual and new to your reader. Since this is in the form of a comic, you can exaggerate plenty and add satire and wit to its extreme. You are not going into reality with this one. You are going straight into fantasy. You can say that the pope's balls became the size of a soccer ball. His eyes were bulling out from the pressure. You can use expressions like "The popes balls were growing like a ripe blue melon." You can end with saying the pope was recommended to the sperm bank who has the equipment to drain his balls. The pope is now the father of over 20 million children. No wonder they call him the father.

me·di·a n
the various means of mass communication thought of as a whole, including television, radio, magazines, and newspapers, together with the people involved in their production (takes a singular or plural verb)

Dec/12/2007

We need a story on how Wikipedia has shortened Internet usage and saved the phone company billions of dollars in bandwidth time. Interview a fake financial analyze giving his professional opinion that the phone companies should give tax free donations to the Wikipedia organization to continue reaping the advantages they get from Wikipedia. Make true statements like "It was shown that people turn off their computers after using Wikipedia spending less time on the Internet. This in turn saves the phone companies 1.2 million dollars a month with decongested service lines" Make this story serious and use extreme wit and scientific data to amuse the reader and pull in thousands into your page. Use a headline like "Wikipedia helps the Big Boss" The Big Boss is the phone companies. Use a picture of an elephant and do not put anything under the picture to leave a bit to the imagination of the reader. In only rare cases does it merit not putting anything under a picture. This is such a case.

Dec/12/2007

We need a story accusing Britney Speers of being disrespectful for trying to have sex with men. Demand from Britney that she have sex instead with lesbian women who are also a bunch of disrespectful opportunist. Use the picture of that demonic toy gremlin and under it put "Britney Speers" Put a statement in the story where a politician tells reporters, "Britney should sleep with a woman to know how it feels being an innocent man." We are news reporters and this is part of the job.

This will be a powerful story and it will lure thousands of people into your page producing amazement at the unusual perception.

GENERAL ASSIGNMENT:

1. unpopular people

2. certain comical subject- make them unassuming with constant mistakes. Like someone that is genetically clumsy.

3. the most popular celebrity- they usually are on the minds of 89 percent of your audience and will create an instant laugh.

4. use scientific ideas to attach to your comedy about people - your viewers get amused when others get outsmarted.

5. we need an eye spy series similar to the mad magazine version. This series should melt into headline news. Since spoof has limited pictures, you will have to use short and brief descriptions to create mental pictures in people's heads.I studied law in law school for two years before I dropped out and I know this is legal.

In the eye spy series, they have two people dressed in different colored clothing. This represents opposite opinions. The cartoon characters constantly undermine each other. The creators of the series got their ideas from drama school; I read a drama book. The series is the same as the British spy series "The Adventures". In the Adventures, opponents of different ideas would constantly undermine each other. For example, you take a celebrity like Spears and find someone who wants to undermine her, like her ex husband, the court system, child protection services, singing competitors. The law says that you cannot copy word for word but you can imitate the main idea. In the law, a person has rights to his own patent only if they continue to reinstate it. If they forget to reinstate their patent, after a certain period described by law it is free for someone else to claim if the new person pays the patent fees. If a person dies without heir, their real estate becomes public domain. We live in a society and we are not masters of an unclaimed universe. What I am telling you is no more different from what you will read in a drama book at a public college.
Example: The democratic opponent dressed in a wizards cloak attempted to undermine Tory with a soiled panty stolen from his Actress lover. Tory dressed in his birthday suit is caught in an office stealing documents. The police found him with a copy of Richard Nixon's life and times. Nixon being the ex American President who left office before being criminally impeached by the U.S. government.

resource guide- http://www.fas.org/irp/world/


Random subject search:
cats and dogs living together
the end of the world
jokes on mistakes made by religion - religious hypocrisy is a hot topic now, build on it and ride the wave.
humiliating famous people
head hunters
sex - most popular
stupid things that happen
laws that authority violates
political promises
women's weaknesses
stupid looking animals - example: slow turtles, flamingos, ugly bats, snails, roaches, fleas, dodo birds and any animal that is really goofy to catch a laugh.


Use wikipedia to get private information on subjects you want to write about.

http://en.wikipedia.org/

http://www.enet.org.au/stridermag4/new_page_17.htm

This is the only way to become a good comedy writer:
The best way to improve your comedy is to watch stand up comedians and take notes every time you hear the crowd laugh. Write down the joke that made the crowd laugh and then analyze the joke to discover the components that sparked the laughter.


Dude, did you write all that in one go?

The Baron of Bollocks
Jalapenoman
This user is offline Spicy Hombre
Jalapenoman

Location: Las Cruces, NM
Registered: 1 Jun 05

 Forum Profile
Posted: 13 Dec 07 02:17
No, he edits it daily and adds new assignments all of the time.

So far, I don't think any of us are taking part in the assignments. We're actually trying to write stuff that's funny.

Being raised by an Italian mother on the Mexican border made me realize that entrees are not edible without jalapenos, onions, green chilis, or garlic. Hence, I am the J-man.

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Any opinions expressed here are purely the opinions of the contributors and are not necessarily the opinions of The Spoof, its staff or the original writer of the spoof news/parody/satire story.

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