I was right pleased to get the call from Simon Cowell.
I may be a Member of Parliament, but I'm bloody well entitled to a private life as well. I'm right chuffed that Simon has seen through the bollocks of my Foreign Secretary presentation to the real me - the no-nonsense, gobby Yorkshireman.
I think I'll be bloody marvellous as an X-Factor judge.I won't prat about. If the act is rubbish, I'll chuffing well tell 'em.
I've already signed up for t'next series. Oh damn. Should I have checked it out with the PM first?