As a former leader of the Conservative Party, I feel I should offer my help and assistance to David Cameron during these awkward times.
Poor local election results. Old friends, neighbours and employees being called into the Leveson inquiry. Pasty tax. Petrol strikes?
Then again, the wife F-f-f-yyon has just reminded me that I was the first Tory in history to lead the Party and not be Prime Minister.
But that is something to be ashamed of apparently, not proud of!