My assistants Julian and Lucien came in with my breakfast tray and nappies this morning, gave me presents of a Christmas massage, and stirred my loins, bless them.
Later, as my new security guard Tarquin was showing me his weapon, I thought of the Argentinian's recent threat to attack the Falklands again. I hope they don't, or we might have to send the troops in Eton punts and the Woolwich ferry!
Oh, did I just make a joke?
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