My agent has asked me do I want to be in a film about the British phone-hacking scandal. I would play a character called Andy Coluson, a PR officer for the Prime Minister.
I always enjoy going to Britain, except when jokers throw water over me in Lie-cester Square. I think that's how you spell Lie-cester. That's how us Americans pronounce it anyway.
My agent has just been back in touch. One of the main characters, ginger haired newspaper editor and boss Rebekah Brooks will be played by my former wife of 11 years Nicole Kidman. Awkward.
I don't mind seeing her again - after all we have two kids together. But I don't like acting in the same scene as her, as she is 4 inches taller than me.