The Pope - My Fake Diary


Thursday, 23 October 2008

...toast, bacon, egg, tomatoes, hash-browns, mushrooms, sausages, steak, beans, juice, chops, muffins, teacakes, scones and tea. Oh, and some crumpet, although I thought I'd already told that mysterious woman in my bed to get back to the nunnery.

7.00 Out onto the balcony to lead the public in prayer. Actually, I just go out there to check that the cleaner has cleaned properly. I'm really sick to death of paying people for a service they fail to carry out. And I do like my balconies spick and span.

9.00 I'm bloody knackered, and I've only been up 3 hours.

10.00 Take a cigar, small whiskey and a copy of either Loaded or Nuts into the private ante-room. Was going to watch Jeremy Kyle, but remembered that the Papal Secretary cancelled the Sky Direct Debit when we changed bank account. Put feet up for a few mins.

1.00 Blimey, nearly missed ...

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