Dear Diary, today I received another letter addressed to "Emperor Palpatine." I called Monsignor Rafferty in and asked him what he knew about it.
Rafferty looked down and mumbled something. I told him to speak up, and he said that some people think I resemble the evil Emperor Palpatine from the "Star Wars" movies.
So we went online and Googled Emperor Palpatine and the Pope and sure enough, there's a picture of me and a picture of this Palpatine guy, and damned if we don't bear a resemblence.
"And that's not all," Rafferty said. "You're also both despots who claim absolute power over the universe!"
"Bull$%," I said. "Now, bring my the plans to invade Poland..."