Dear Diary, today I was looking at my schedule for next week and I noticed that Monsignor Rafferty had put me down for "Sermon, St. Barnabas Church, Northfield, Ohio, USA" for next Sunday.
So I called in Rafferty and said, "Since when am I traveling to America to deliver a sermon?" And he replied, "Well, Your Holiness, their pastor is on vacation and I tried to get someone else to cover for him, but nobody else is available."
I looked at him incredulously. "Do you mean to tell me that out of 400,000 #$%*%^ priests and bishops worldwide, not ONE of them is available to talk for 20 minutes about the evils of masturbation?"
Rafferty just gave me a meek look and said, "Well it is August, Your Holiness. And your schedule was open."
God, I hate the $#%!&* summer...