...her bits and pieces from Harvey Nix don't you know, OK yar.
14.30 Off to Harold's, the big store in Nitsbrigge where all we celebs and important people shop. Need to buy some Barnsley Yak's Milk and Canadian Beaver Droppings for my facial treatment.
16.00 Time for afternoon tea with Bella Blozjobbe and Rachel Shrek, my two bestest friends.
18.00 Back home and time for a shower. I do like to scrub my important little places with a loofer and Castrol GTX. It's great for the complexion, according to the fashion expert, and my bestest friend Gok Kak.
19.00 Off to Krap Bar in Bermondsey for their opening night. All the celebs will be there, including my bestest friends Jane Feckless and Elizabeth Fnar-Fnar, the famous hairdresser. She's retired now after three days coz she felt a girl in her position shouldn't have to clean up...