Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

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Tuesday, 28 October 2008

8.00 Ho Ho Ho bloddy Ho. Don't know what you lot are so happy about, but I have a hell of a day today. Nearly all my stock toys are from China, and the paint has completely irritated Rudolph's nose to the extent that it is red raw. He's right off his carrots.

9.00 Haven't time for breakfast. Just a quick beard dip into some bleach to freshen it up. Bloody sleigh failed its MOT yesterday. Have to go to "Sleighs R Us" for a new one.

10.00 The elves are revolting. Happy is feeling Grumpy. Sneezy is feeling Dozy. And Bashful is trying to feel that Emma girl from Harry Potter. I'm now knee deep in black eyes.

11.00 Must have a coffee and a slice of toast. Love that Marmite stuff.

12.00 They've changed my itinerary around on Christmas Eve and I now have to do the whole of Canada in the morning. It's a bugger beca...

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