Mrs. Claus said that she is going to put me on a diet this year. She plans to take out an ad in most major newspapers telling kids not to leave out cookies, pies, and other good snacks and to just give me stuff like carrot and celery sticks with yogurt dip.
The only good sweets I ever get are from the plates from the kiddies (and from the bad girls, but that's a different kind of sweet). Heaven knows the wife won't cook me anything good at home! Ever since she started that Weight Watchers, she expects me to eat that crap too.
I'm so pissed off at her that I think I'm going to take a quick "check the naught and nice list" down to Stockholm. While I'm there, I'll eat me some chocolate and check out the ho, ho, ho's. There's lots of really good naughty girls in Stockholm!