Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

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Saturday, 22 November 2014

Dear Diary,

Found out Nick Frost was playing me in the upcoming Doctor Who Christmas special today. He'll be on the naughty list this year- that's identity theft!

No, there's only one Santa in this world and that's me!

Ho ho ho! How can anyone think they can take my place? I am THE present delivery service. Forget the Royal Mail and the silly 'parcels' they deliver. I provide a quicker 24 hour service WORLDWIDE. They're lucky if they manage to deliver something first class within a couple of weeks- and they're only responsible for UK deliveries!

I'd like to see Nick Frost deliver presents around the world in 24 hours. It would be the middle of June before he'd finish. I do it all on Christmas Eve AND still have time to eat the mince pies. Nick Frost my arse!

Santa Claus





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