Mrs. Claus made me try another diet this week but it ended like the others, me losing my willpower and consuming my body weight in cookies and reindeer meat. I don't see how Kristy Allen ever lost weight on Jenny Craig, I only lost my mind. And when Mrs. Claus suggested the South Beach diet I just had to laugh because I see no beaches around here. I mean what's my motivation for losing weight? I never have to wear a swim suit, I can't die so I don't have to wory about clogged arteries, and the people expect me to be heavy. I would let down the children if I no longer at their cookies. So I guess I owe it to the world to continue my self-destructive eating habits and continue to break the scales or we just couldn't have Christams.