I'll have to apologise to 65 year-old pensioner Bartholomew Utterswaithe of Nottingham.
Last year he requested some Warfarin tablets for his Christmas present... but one of me Elves misread it as wanting 'warfare'.
So this year up to now, he's had a battle with a car and lost, been mugged and shot, and the government called him up and was sent to Afghanistan...
Still. it's a laugh innit?