Dear Diary, the elves are getting restless. Last night some of them broke into the liquor cabinet and opened a couple of bottles of absinthe.
When I came downstairs in the morning, I found vomit all over the assembly room and learned that the elves had painted all of the Sesame Street toys with lead-based paint. I called President Bush and told him that the Chinese had done it. Whew! That was close...
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