Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

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Friday, 5 November 2010

Dear Diary,
Today, it seems like an ordinary day. Making the naughty and nice lists for Christmas, bossing the elves around, eating cookies and drinking hot chocolate made by my extremely hot wife whom I cannot sleep with, because of my weight. I need a new image. See I've been a fan of the Twilight saga for a few years now, and there's this character that really appeals to me; Jacob Black. I mean he's being played by this actor named Taylor Lautner, and his abs just make me want to change my mind about putting him in the naughty list. Anyway, I've been thinking, if this lanky boy turned into a muscle-faced heartthrob, well this 6000 pound old man could turn into a seductive male underwear model. Finally! I just might equal my wife's hotness! From now on, Taylor Lautner's my idol. I'll lessen my intake of cookies, start jogging 3 hours a day, and lift wei...

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