Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

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Thursday, 7 January 2010

Global Warming My Ass! I've just about neutered myself by freezing my nuts off. Mrs. Claus has got nipples so hard that she could cut diamonds on the New York Diamond Exhange. When I say that the reindeer are shitting bricks, that's literal. I can't tell the difference between some of the smaller elves and character popsicles.

I could go to North Dakota, where the wind chill is -52, to try and get warm, but even that's too damned cold.

Next year, the bad kids and Al Gore are all getting reindeer shit bricks in their stockings, because I'm about to start burning the coal to keep warm.




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