Must Quit This Job. Losing the Jolly. Too fat to tie shoes.
This is my last year. I'm leaving a notice in the stockings, along with the aspartame, that I don't exist. How can I word this?
KIDS, I DON'T EXIST
SORRY KIDS, I DON'T EXIST
KIDS, EAT ALL THIS ASPARTAME I STUFFED THIS WITH AS FAST AS YOU CAN
... they won't have to worry about next year!