Dear Diary - My phone is not ringing. I feel so left out of everything. I am so damn lonely that I am thinking about calling up that horrendously horrible witch Omarosa just to hear another person's voice.
I tried to call my ex-wife Katy Perry but her answering machine said that she was down in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico at a nude beach.
Oh how I miss seeing and touching that gal's knockers. I swear they were a pure joy to behold.
Heck, I may give Lindsay Lohan a call. Gosh I am so damn DESPERATE!
Russell "Mr. Lonely" Brand