Russell Brand - My Fake Diary

Ello diary, today I had an audition for "Titanic 2: The Living Dead" and I was quite happy to see attractive ladies. I pretended I was drowning in the water, so one of them would give me mouth to mouth.
I also ate the most delicious American hamburger I've ever had. It was called a big mac! Ironically, it wasn't very big at all, but the best things in life usually come in small sizes. Size doesn't matter, if only Paris Hilton understood that concept.
There are paparazzi outside my door. I put on a women's dress and red lipstick so I could give them a show! I won't be surprised if tomorrow's headline reads "Russel Brand Comes Out" it wouldn't be the first time. Well, I'm off to bed. Gonna put on my favorite teddy bear pajamas and snuggle with Fluffy, my stuffed rabbit. Goodnight.