Dear Diary -
Well my girlfriend Michelle Rounds is now officially my wife, Mrs. Rosie O'Donnell. We secretly got married back in June.
I decided that as pretty as she is I had better marry her before the likes of Charlie Sheen, Russell Brand, or Derek Hough tried to make a move on her.
I really like Michelle a heck of a lot better than my first wife Kelli Carpenter, who was always criticizing me for eating Hostess Twinkies, buttered popcorn, and deluxe burritos in bed.