Well, dear freaking diary, I'm fed up with those arseholes who write for The Spoof. Hell, one of them wrote today that my fat arse is going to be instrumental in stopping the oil leak from the rig that 'exploded'.
OK! I admit my butt is a bit on the large side, but, as if I'd stick stuff up there, just to help the World.
I'm not that eco-friendly. I recycle when it suits me.
I'm helping the earth by not having any kids but adopting some. There are, apparently, more men on earth than women.....so I am helping out there too, by not taking one.
I don't know what else I can do short of donating all of my organs whilst I am still alive, to help those less fortunate.