hello loyal fans and mammy
judys tugging at my coat tails because we're about to go live, are we live? yes we're live. its alright ive slapped her face twice (once to let her know shes not allowed to touch me, and the second time for the sheer enjoyment of it)
its okay anyway because the first half an hour of the show is always a stand in, it takes me that extra bit of time to get my make-up just right, its not the same for judy we can shove 'er out whenever, no-one expects her to look presentable, she's OLD anyway (orrr look at that ive made the old dear cry, its alright she can wipe those tears up with her free bus pass)
i'll have to go now because it always distresses me when im in the same room as judy for longer than five minutes, i keep tellin 'em at channel four to get rid, they say we need her to make you look good richard ...