9am - Have been up now for over 3 hours reading some boring books Judy wants to recommend on the programme. It's amazing what a 25% cut from the royalty take can do for you.
9.30am - Decided to have breakfast. Have to find out who's sponsoring today's programme so I eat the correctly commissioned (only 20%) food
10.00am - Watched Jeremy Kyle for a few minutes. Wonderful, nial-biting stuff. Had me glued to the telly for quite a time.
10.01am - Changed channel. Had enough of Jeremy Kyle
12.00pm - Met Judy for an early lunch. Punch came along as well and kept hitting me over the head with his truncheon shouting "That's the way to do it".
1.00pm - Into the studio to think up a tiresomely easy question to extricate £1.50 a minute from viewers. Have decided on "What colour is Brown Windsor Soup?" with th...