At a loose end so I spent the day exploring Wolverhampton's sewage system. Crawling through a few rat-infested tunnels covered in a bit of shit never hurt anyone.
I emerged through a manhole right in the middle of the southbound ring road. Bad planning there.
A traffic cop approached me and asked "What the bleedin 'ell d'you think you're doing?"
I said "I'm Ray Mears. Off the telly."
He said "And I'm Genghis Khan. Now get out of my sight you shitbag before I nick you for obstruction."
Luckily I got home in time to see Julia Bradbury on the Bake Off show. Now there's a woman I'd like to rummage with in the sewers.