In Gstaad for a spot of skiing with the Missus.
Carved me own skis out of Alpine hickory this last Autumn, same Neolithic design and fashion as the pair me mate Gordon found entombed in the glacier with Otzi the Iceman.
Gets to the top of the slopes and the daft Swiss ski safety officials won't let me use them cos of barmy HSE rules. Say they're not an EU approved design. Clots, these are the originals, everything else evolved from the Otzi design.
They also took objections to me lubing up the skis with rancid goose grease too.
Said it might contaminate their nice clean snow. Pillocks and tossers: the lot.