Dear Diary: I am so depressed. I never made President, Michael Moore has made me look like a sidecar to a Chevy Corvair, and I can't even run for elected office 'cause my lines are all repeaters and only backwoods bozos fro Oregon vote for me.
Hillary called my ambitions "fond notions" and O'Bama offered me an ambassadorship to El Salvador. Howard Stern won't have me, Limbaugh don't know me. I wish I was never born!
But wait! I hear salvation calling..........GM is now owned by the government so any class action lawsuit would hit the bottomless pit of taxpayer dollars! Whooopeeeeeeeeeeee! I'm saved!!!
Honey, get my bugle!