Dear Diary -
Well I am glad to say that I have Scotland Yard on the case of the unnamed photographer who photographed my granddaughter-in-law Kate, royally known as the Duchess of Cambridge.
The low-life, bottom-feeding, scumball photographer will be sorry once we catch him. I have already informed the Buckingham Palace chief attorney that I want this commoner prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
I have talked to both Kate and William and they are both devastated, especially Kate who had her royal rack on display for the entire world to see.
I hope that Katey does learn a very valuable lesson from all of this royal brouhaha; and that's to keep 'em cupped.
Queen Elizabeth II