Dear Capitalist Pig Diary (I bought it at Wal-mart),
I am getting sooo tired of this beard, this mustache, these eyes, this NOSE, these ears, this face, etc. etc.
Every where I go (this hole I am in and pee pot in the corner) I see me plastered all over the place with a big "Wanted Dead or Alive" sign underneath.
I'm getting sick of the way I look and am thinking of getting a dye-job and a face transplant. I think I would look good as Brad Pitt.
In fact, I'd look good as anyone compared to who I look like now, which is me.