I often wonder why Richard Branson, a fellow celebrity beardy, has never invited me on to his Caribbean island.
I wrote to him discussing the idea once. Well maybe more than once. Wish I hadn't used the red ink now. My black bic had run out.
I don't want to appear all stalkerish like that guy who used to write to eminem, but surely we should stick together. He's very rich, I know the banker from my show Deal Or No Deal. Surely we'd have lots in common.
Perhaps I shouldn't have signed the letters with a kiss x x.
And the poem was a bad idea.
"Dear rich, your so very rich,
and you have a beard, but your not weird,
please call me anytime, I'm not a girl I am Noel.
I feel silly now.