Just tried to register 'the dream factory' with Companies House, and fuming to find out that it has already been registered... By... Simon Cowell!
What a cad. He's obviously heard me use the phrase on my hugely popular teatime Channel 4 show Deal or No Deal, and while I was busy answering the phone to the banker, opening the final box, he has got one of his lackeys to register my trade mark.
I am absolutely gutted, and quite frankly I think I may have to sue him for this blatent copyright theft.
Or... he could just bung me a million quid and we'll say no more about it.