Noel Edmonds - My Fake Diary

What an extraordinarily tense day it's been today, i gave my good friend keith chegwin some money this morning to purchase some grecian 2000 and a jif lemon so i could colour my hair, i waited for nine hours but he didn't come back, so decided to make a journey to the shops myself, the wife wouldn't go for me, she disagrees with my decisions to yellow my hair up, says it reminds her of a nicotine-stained beard on an old tramp. Didn't want to be recognised so wore a disguise that i still had from an old gotcha we did on the chuckle brothers which consisted of a black curly wig and an eye-patch. Got to the shops, there were a group of hoodies loitering about there,i thought "oh crumbs" so i quickly dashed in bought what i needed but when i came out one of the hoodies approached me and asked me the time i quickly ran back into my land rover and sped away, on the wa...