Dear Diary - HELP! I cannot stand to be in this rehab clinic anymore. I am starting to hallucinate (without drugs) and I am seeing visions of that freaky moose mama from Washington, Alaska, Sarah "The Tundra Troll" Palin.
I am much too pretty, sexy, and intelligent to be stuck in this place for the unsettled.
I have written President Obama, Vice-President Biden, and even Russian President Putin and none of those four have bothered to reply to my letter of distress.
Hell, I may just end up holding my breasts, I mean my breath.
See, how mixed up I am. I think that above I even mentioned four men instead of three - gosh I am so friggin confused, I need three Coors Lights.