Dear Diary - I have no idea how that damn bottle of Jose Cuervo Tequila got underneath my rehab clinic bed. Why oh why doesn't anyone believe me.
I really think that it was planted there by some jealous Republican.
I am tired of being at this place. I tried to escape but it is not as easy as it looks on TV.
Maybe I can try and make myself look like a guy and escape that way. No wait, guys don't have big boobs, botoxed lips, or a period.