Dear Diary - I plan to escape from this rehab clinic so I hope that no one snoops around in my room and reads my diary.
I can no longer stay here without cigarettes, beer, and recreational drugs.
I swear it is just like being in prison except without the iron bars, the rancid smell, and the lesbian dykes.
My ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson said she would help me but I have not talked to the skinny bitch in two days.
She better hurry before I hurt someone.