I've auditioned for Loose Women - the lunchtime show on ITV1 - but not heard anything back.
They've gone for that brainy bird Vorderman, and the crazy biatch Denise Welch instead. Can't believe they didn't want me bringing a bit of glamour to proceedings?
Same over on Channel 5, my agent told them I'm available as a panelist on The Wright Stuff and they chose Fern Britton instead?
Honestly, these tv producers must have sh*t in their eyes...